This midless, senseless game we play,
Should have ended, yesterday,
This shouldn't happen anyway,
I know that I should disobey.
You bind I feel is tightening now,
I've not the strength to find out how,
The sweat is dripping from my brow,
This is more than my mind will allow.
My legs are shaking from the need,
My mind, my body, should take heed,
Of the danger of this empty greed,
But I know already, I'll concede.
Author notes
Concede
- Gay Lesbian and Bisexuals Group group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Power and Grace. by ResplendentCloud.
1200 points, ended June 26, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by his kiss.
400 points, ended June 27, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Prewrite contest :) by Ami.
550 points, ended July 7, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 456 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites!!! Come take a look! by CentrifugalCorpse.
1250 points, ended September 7, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nicely done with this piece.
Fantastic rhyme and flow consistently in each stanza.
The emotions here are raw and leak off the page.
Marvelous job here!
Bravo
♥ Kate -
Great write the flow was Awesome thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck
-♥Amy♥ -
I really like this
-Emily -
Well.. you have an interesting idea that you've expressed here.
However, I posted in my contest that I want free verse, not rhyme. I guess your eyes skipped that. I'm not a good rhyme judge since I usually avoid rhyme poetry, but "allow" sounds slightly off, probably because it has 2 syllables. Plus, you should spell check.
Since this isn't what I asked for, I'll be removing this. Thanks for your effort though.
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Oh. This is an interesting poem that you have going on here. It is kind of sad or anxious sounding though. I'm surprised to see all the darker poems popping up again. I thought people had gotten a little happier in general but I guess not. Either way I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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good write... and a nice flow..
but i think you should work on the rhyme, or maybe it's just because i don't usually use that rhyme scheme.
but mainly, it's pretty nice
sherry
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Fine pooem. I can definately relate to this!!- basically, I've been a complete idiot when it comes to such things. Good flow and ryhme scheme. Clean rich and polished with a good flow.
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