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Of Oceans and Mortality

I must be strong.
Push forward with
all the vigor left
in this shell of a person
Put on a happy face.
A face for the world to see.
Shielding them from the storm
raging within.
And so life goes on.
Without me and my
so-called strength.
I am an immovable object
in the middle of the
sea of time.
That which should be strong
and is not.
So the tides push against me
and yet do not disturb me.
And I must be strong.
For what does not kill me
only postpones the inevitable.

Author notes

Yay! I actually wrote something that I REALLY REALLY like for once! However, I would like a critique, since this was a new writing style for me. :-)

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think! I need some feedback.

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Comments


  • dustytiger
    November 15, 2008

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    i really enjoyed this read, it makes me think a little of a song, the like the play on the last line, one of my fave quotes when i was in high school was "that which doesn't kill us makes us strong, i'm about to prove them wrong" and it really made me remember that, great poem, best of luck in the contest


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    November 15, 2008

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    You have reason to really love this poem! But I think an honest critique, hmm. This poem is already very nice but I think a word or two could do wonders. Maybe a splash of ocean 'colour' could make it more visual and appealing to the mind. You have the tide and shell and the emotion is already there though...so maybe some blues and greens? See where I'm going?

    This is very nice though.
    Thanks for entering.
    Síochán leat
    ~Mairéad~


  • ShatterglassSecret
    September 9, 2008

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    beautiful. morbid. sad. desperate. the concept of the mask you present society hiding your true feelings is well done indeed. your imagery is clear and strong and steady. you're really learning artistry. comparison. metaphor. i love the last two lines, "for what does not kill me/only postpones the inevitable", because they fall like a stone into meaning. but i am distressed that you feel so doomed. chin up, my dear. there is always a light.