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glass walls couldn't hold this electric personality

reaching out to something
once known as my protection.

I'm vulnerable
at last



exposed



slowly life is diming and I am

      but pending



  unscrewed
yet I still illuminate


this  electronegativity
causes me to burst


shattered



formally
  retained...


my cocoon is now open


birth has been given,
this bloody realization

am I stillborn...

Author notes

http://cades2k4.deviantart.com/art/Limits-91876786



im sorry if this sucks!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • AboveApathy
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great poem. i loved the spacing. made it easier and more fun to read. and the picture is sooo cool. the last line[s] are definitely powerful. great job!


  • Justmenow
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    reaching out to something
    once known as my protection.

    I'm vulnerable
    at last



    exposed



    slowly life is diming and I am

    but pending



    unscrewed
    yet I still illuminate

    this is my fave part of this poem,. ilike how it reads and you definitely deserved a trophy for it, well done, truly well done.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not sucky at all! It's fab! Love the lines:
    "slowly life is diming and I am
    but pending"

    Had a feeling of waiting for life to begin.. and then when it does.. that thought to ponder at the end.. is it just stillborn..

    Very deep piece.. love it!






  • Riamh
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! A wonderful take on the pic, with excellent imagery!
    *hugs*

    Slayer


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, this is anything but sucky! I love how you've run the theme all the way through, some can loose track but you really did a brilliant job here. The word play created superb imagery, excellent take. Good luck


  • notorious gold member
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your title has so much spunk, and you really shouldn't apologize for writing this.

    "& I am but pending"
    I love that more than I can say.
    It's genius...vulnerable...powerfully wrought. Good stuff here.

    'formally'==>formally
    It has 2 'l's'.

    I actually think you could lose the question mark at the end...leave the reader to wonder if that's a question themselves, right?

    Just an idea.

    This is pretty rad.

    Good luck

    Jessica

1 - 10 of 10