scrunched down in vinyl seats,
selected whispers
tell this-and-that to school girl skirts:
they won't find us, will they?
angry bells rang
like a prison break...
though surrounded on all sides,
the scuffle of our leather shoes
do not draw attention...
my drawing paper hidden under
text books, I can see you there in
rainbow hues;
forgetting tests and
studying
your eyes, hair,
heart.
beat bump beat over railroad tracks,
cross the i's and dot the t's...
final stop for my sanity -
can't get up
sweat sticks to
vinyl seats.
~~~
Author notes
prompt: school bus.
I don't like the title. and I'm not sure if I like the rest of the poem. meh. critique me, please.
A contest entry
- Click the button (just come see) by luna-midnight.
450 points, ended September 19, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I love this one, excellent visuals, I think I 'studied' boys more than school subjects in school, too...lol.
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You took me waaaaaaay back with this one. Wow, when was the last time I was on a school bus, lol... but those were good days... yes, the dreams and the dreamy eyes... Lovely poetry.
~ Nicolette
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I remember the sticky seats in my fathers 70 plymouth satellite. How uncomfortable they were in the summer.
often wondered if schoolgirls felt the same as boys.
Excellent job
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this is an intesting poem sister
i have the feeling i donno like your an outcast at school and you hide who you truly are to fit in thats the feeling im getting
love you -
I remember those sticky vinyl seats on school buses, this is strong in its metaphors of school routine and the bus and perhaps a note from a boy you like hidden in the text books. I think I can hear those school bells in this.
C
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hehehe, i actually really love this, its amazing, i can just put myself there, all you need to do is placewhat prompt you used in your AN's
but lovely job, *hugs* yay you
Stephanie ♥ -
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oh alright, sheesh.
kidding.
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hey rules are rules missy
but yeah this was spectacualr
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how so? ._.
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because you wrote it
well you know if you read it, youd know it was
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humph. I doubt it.
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ooohhh, pfft! you know you are an excellent writer, and if we took a poll of who was better youd win by a landslide
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let's do it then.
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haha how do we do it?
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find a group?
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the inner circle
they will say you,
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no they won't
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yes they will! dare you to start a poll
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