Multidimensional interlocking spaces
separate oxygen from my chest, as I
witness the Moon's invasion of
Earth's boundary.
I watch as gravitational pressure
escapes in vapors too volatile
to ignite Time's continuum.
Flutters spew sparks
into the sky.
Shimmers of illustrious gases
trickle into currents of
electrical capabilities,
captivating Earth's smile wondrously.
The fathomless weight in
the atmosphere is heavy with
charges too celestial to harness,
causing sighs to elicit slowly
from Earth's core.
I love the tenacity the Moon embodies
as she saunters her way into my world.
Author notes
prompt:
http://mohammed-alsulaiti.deviantart.com/art/Fantasy-95241175
needs another edit.
A contest entry
- Pic Prompt by Riamh.
600 points, ended September 21, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thank you,
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow Jin! This was so awesome! This defintely deserved more than a green trophy! Great take on the picture and a very beautiful write as always!!
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I like your take on the pic, Jin. Probably the way I would have taken it,thanks for entering and best of luck.
Slayer
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nice one here, I myself would title it "The Sauntering Moon and hte Sighing Earth"...! though that place doesn't look like Brooklyn...
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Perfect
I love it wonderfully done young lady a great take on the prompt. best of luck to you. Boog
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I must think of a multidimensional universe...you painted a busy working world, we nearly aware of it, making it visible through your poem. I like your usage of abstractions intertwisting with your consciousness, very lively done with subtle metaphors. Last two lines: earth her voice? Good luck in the contest
Erwin
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A dazzling impact of the Moon and Earth
a gathering of sister satelites perhaps
ah to be that close to the moon
would surely energize us both
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Worlds in collision, you create a universe of possibilities. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Garrison
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Nicely done. Great imagery. I like this one alot. It was a thoroughly enjoyeable read. The last two lines were great.
Mike
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I read this poem on the quick favorites page, without benefit of the prompt. The image I crafted in my mind's eye is almost exactly the picture that resides atop this page. Perfectly described. I really enjoyed the last two lines, also. Saucy sauntering moon!
I know you said it needs another edit, and you already edited out a couple things I found. But, you missed one!
"Shimmers of ullustrious gases"
- I think you meant illustrious, right?
Good luck in the contest, and clappy dudes!
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Stunning!
Brilliant and exciting. A most expressive write. Vivid and dramatic. Thank you for sharing these wonderful thoughts.
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