Sitting all alone
beneath the live oak
your conical bill
quietly whispers my name
clandestinely bringing hope.
Author notes
This is my first Tanka so go easy on me lol. I was sitting at the cemetary visiting my daughters grave when a grosbeak made my aquantance. Im still going to revise this so it will be changing soon but this is what I have so far. A special thanks to Erin (Zahhar) who is helping me get out of my writers block and this funk I seem to be in by insisting I start to write again, so Thanks Erin 
What did you think
Comments
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Like I said in my IMs, this is a great start. Where's your revision?
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I was just waiting for you to come back from the woods lol
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Writing can bring peace, as can nature.
Nice to read you again~
As Always,
~Deena
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Hi Suzzane...
this is a very lovely tanka...there's a sense of serenity that comes along with the words you've used.
Wow! Zahhar is helping you.
will you teach me how to write a tanka?
j/k this is asking too much.
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I think that clandestinely means to keep something secret for a deceptive purpose.. I'm not too sure that it would work in the last line...
I cant comment on the form because I lack the aspiration to learn form writing
I think it is good that you are writing again. It is benefical to your heart and sanity. You're daughter was.... IS a beautiful soul, who brought love and hope into other peoples lives.. God wanted her back... and he wanted you to know an experience, only the mothers of rare souls ever experience.. and its an experience we can pull from... and one we can share with others.. to help them, to bring them solace or to teach them a lesson through OUR pain.
xoxo, Criss
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