[before]
transcending into a river boat of
curbed mistakes and a chance for the
life you always knew you
wanted.
i am slippery bones and a minute that
ticks away with words underneath your
echo.
goodbye, hello, farewell.
it's beautiful in its own way;
like waking up to see the sky is closing
around you in a dome shape of
yesterdays thoughts and collapsing to
your pillow case without the time to
let it pass.
i am holding onto the things that i thought
i had already
and you are just sitting there, smiling.
you are always, always, sitting.
i feel like i can't speak anymore without
the words coming out twisted and my mind lying
even before my mouth
forms the letters.
sticky indifference, shaking retribution and survival of
the fittest.
it is only you and me and us and now and what we had
before
that makes me so
insecure and
shaky.
i can't help but love who you were
and it's
one
two
three
you're so far away.
tell me, how is it that no matter what,
i always return to the moment when we
broke away and fell behind
the moon
?
[after]
i want to tell you that i can't hold on
i want to let you know that despite all of our
actions and hopes and dreams and tries that
i can't love you anymore.
i've said this a hundred times, and yet i do nothing.
because i'm lying. every time.
a word. slips. out. of my mouth
it is not the truth.
it is what i want to be the truth
but it is not
reality.
freedom grips me in the clouds of your
throat and i am
choking with a cat stuck in a bag
underneath my
eyes.
i take toilet conversations and speak into
a pool of water
and i slip on front porches and i fall because
i don't know what else
to do.
Author notes
meh. i'm sorry.
you tell me not to apologize,
but i can't help it.
after all...
what is this?!
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
and all these thoughts you stole from me
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Gorgeous!! I never read anything like this!! I'm awe struck... I'm gonna have to read it again..
Bookmarked this little gem..
Cheers
Vonnie
-
so any interesting images here. I particularly liked your use of the "bag" underneath your eyes. Unique. I love wordplay.
Well done. Congrats on the honorable.
-
and i forgot these.
xoxo
-
what is this ?
this is raw emotion and the feelings that cant be expressed or understood in anyother way
and we write because thats all we know to do with these words.
they dont fit any where else or in any other form.
thats what this is. -
"i am slippery bones and a minute that
ticks away with words underneath your
echo."
This poem oozes with personal intensity, especially the segment chosen above, but really, the entire thing is brilliant.
A confessional delight, that keeps getting better and better each time you read it.
We get a sense of real pain and longing and not just a paint-by-numbers approach to emotion, which can be seen in the much of what is posted on this site.
Our only really issue is with some of your punctuation, which gets out of control sometimes like here:
"i've said this a hundred times, and yet i do nothing.
because i'm lying. every time.
a word. slips. out. of my mouth
it is not the truth.
it is what i want to be the truth
but it is not
reality."
It seems it is meant to create a pause amongst the words, but only ends up looking out of place.
There are very few "real" poets and you are one them.
Outstanding work.
Thanks so much for entering.
- James (apples fell) and Kenny (loschung)
-
baby.
I wanna write like this. so freaking great that I am left staring at the screen....you are by far one of my favorite writers, EVER.
lovies.
"and i slip on front porches and i fall because
i don't know what else
to do."
damnnn.
-
damn
if u wrote about a rock and how stupid it was
i would still be awe-struck.
xD
-
crystal tears that burn...
....i cant say anything at the moment.. because im left crying.. and i now a thousand people are gona ssay how amazing it is.. so all ill say is... it truly is...
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