Clumsily pick apart my abstract secrets
piece by piece
using mangled tweezers
so you can dig yourself deeper
into the atrocious corners of my mind
I watch you conveniently slip letters
[lies]
between the slightly open gaps
of my shattered
& once existent dreams
consistent of old-fashioned memories
relating to previous mistakes
& concluding obligatory failures
in which
you might as well just burn
another beckoning cigarette
into my rough & fragile skin
because I know it gives you that much of a thrill;
yet you reel me in heedlessly
with an absorbing anchor
only to release me
from the appetizing thread
until I drown in your enticement
& choke on my own heart
as it clogs
my delinquent air pockets;
[suffocating me]
while your defiant words
are already afflicting my soul
like a bullet traveling
at an accordant speed
brushing through the breeze
& corrupting my image
as it settles infinitely
between my make-up smeared eyes
I should've learned my lesson
when he left a crumb trail
of ignorance & deception
& I obliviously followed
while carefully
setting the 'crumbs'
into a tucked away pocket
located on my
[heart]
but the best of me
was overtaken
once again
when you stumbled into my imagination
& grasped every inch of me you could;
sinking your fingertips
into every flaw noticeable
on the outside of my fidgeting body
so excuse me
while I fiercly acquire
what you have stolen
abruptly back
into my bleeding hands;
because no longer
am I going to repeat
my past mistakes.
♥
Author notes
YoureNoGoodForMe
A contest entry
- Prewrites. by She Stole My Voice.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 30 Titles by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended September 27, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MAKE ME FEEL by Cena-of-Destiny.
2750 points, ended October 17, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
feedback would be greatly appreciated :D
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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your style is so distinct
I love it.
you use so many big words and you do it WELL.
my only suggestion would be to space them out more
because sometimes your stuff becomes a tad overly wordy
just a suggestion, feel free to give me some!
but seriously babe,
I love your writing,
you know that.
<3 -
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danke, dearest ! :]
that means thank you in german
haha
& thank youuu for the suggestion I will surely do that !
woooot
off to read yer newest shit
ive been slacking =/
<3
-
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wow very full of emotion i loved it nice work keep it up...
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I watch you conveniently slip letters
[lies]
between the slightly open gaps
of my shattered & once existent dreams
Oh don't I understand that one! Infact, I pretty much understand all of what you have wrote here. It's a shame we can't let these people go who keep on treating us badly and making us believe in their untruths and make us disbelieve our loyalties.
Beautifully wrote. -
Beautifully depressing. Loved it as always. Thanks for sharing.
Tal.
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this was a beautiful poem and i loved reading it, it was packed full of so muc emotion and feeling and i cant believe i havent read more of your work, really well done on this piece.
-
I should've learned my lesson
when he left a crumb trail
of ignorance & deception ...my favorite lines also!
Sometimes we only see what our heart wants us to see.
-
'I should've learned my lesson
when he left a crumb trail
of ignorance & deception
& I obliviously followed
while carefully setting the 'crumbs'
into a tucked away pocket
located on my [heart]'
that stanza is amazing. you're amazing.
you write so beautifully alllllll the time, how do you do it?
I was sucked in from the first line and couldn't have torn my eyes away from reading even if I had wanted to.
loves.
♥
-
wow, very good. very emotional.
-
The picture fitted perfectly with your carefully chosen, meaningful words.so excuse me
while I fiercly acquire what you have stolen
abruptly back
into my bleeding hands;
Such raw emotion! I can't express my pride in you when I read this, becasue I believe that I have gone through exactly what you are talking about. A beautifully woven poem.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
i was attached at the first line.
i love it when that happens
this is completely breathtaking
beautiful
amazing
just..wow
<3
-
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thank youuu :]
♥
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I held my breathe through the whole piece.
I just couldn't stop reading.
I adore this.
I'm adding it to my bookmarks when the contest is over.
And welcome to the finalists.
♥
-Rainbow. -
Greattt
Wow, of course this was INmazing & AHcredible as usual. I'm sorry he's been getting to you like this, but I want you to freaking remember that I.am.never.leaving!!!! I don't care how many times you repeat yerself to me, because I'll ALWAYS listen love<3333
~in which you might as well just burn
another beckoning cigarette
into my rough & fragile skin
because I know it gives you that much of a thrill~
Holyfuckkk. Those were freaking POWERFUL and WONDERFUL lines. So vivid and intricate...wowwww.
~Like a bullet traveling
at an accordant speed
brushing through the breeze~
Again, just incredible imagery!!! Really brings out the beauty of the piece.
Awesome write babe, good luck in all those contests!<333333 -
wow.. a very in depth piece.. great write and thank you for entering.
-
Well, I've been waiting in anticipation fer this piece's completion.
There are certain parts of this I can relate to, and I was glad to see that once again this poem really allowed the reader to see your own personal viewpoint. "Just when you think someone is there to forgive you, help you to overcome your past." Squash, they're gone, and they throw every mistake back in to your face.
Past, and present, and of course they always feel compelled to "predict" future mistakes. Hmmm, I'd like to know what makes these judgemental people so flawless. As I've said once before, mistakes are a learning experience. That being said, they also allow you to see who your real friends are. -
wow
dang girl
even though it's not finished yet, you've already put my version of this to shame lol
you are so good
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Where do you get your pictures?! lol. I want them
-
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hahaha
I get them from photobucket
& sometimes DeviantArt
but yes, mainly photobuket. haha
♥
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Where do you get all of those sexy pictures!?
I'm so jealous!!
...I'll wait till you're finished for my real review =) -
omgs I love that picture so so much
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1 - 21 of 21
