Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Walls

Here I sit
Reliving
Us

The way you felt
The way you smelt
The way you tasted

The world
Crumbles
Falls around me

I feel my heart
Freeze over

My walls
Rebuilt
Taller
Thicker
Harder
Than ever before

Why did I love you?
Why did I let you hurt me

Author notes

picture credit

http://alicelefay.deviantart.com/art/You-were-beautiful-49322887

A contest entry

please be brutally honest :)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • Rhythm Child
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you are amazing
    truly a great poet
    im so glad i came across you work
    PERFECTION

  • eatmydirt
    September 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aww so sweet


  • RawrItsKrista
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot. There's a lot of emotion in this piece. Great job!
    xx


  • SouthernDownpour
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok it seems i can relate to a few of yours but ill shh on this one lol. Great write hun it said alot in not as many words. those are the best deffinitly kept my sttention


  • Rheea gold member
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was short and very very good I loved it.


  • unavailable
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This was a nice one.


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked your poem.. I loved the last two lines a lot. I've asked myself those very questions many times over, never once getting any answer.

    great job on both the prompt & your poem.

    good luck in the contest

    kat


  • TwoFacedPsycho
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! The pic is eery and it fits the mood of the poem! Great work!


  • inspectorcliche
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    i could feel your emotion all the way through this poem


  • insainebuni
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed reading this,
    and i've felt that way before.
    a little advice,
    never question why you loved someone,
    just learn from the experience,
    very good poem.

    *dee*

  • superl337sauce
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the first stanza.

    I have a suggestion:
    "
    My walls
    rebuilt:
    taller thicker harder
    than ever before.
    " You choose.

    I wonder about the interpretation of that stanza. I see a possible double meaning. Here is where I'm afraid I might offend you in my "brutal honesty".

    taller, thicker, harder = bigger penises
    hence, walls = penises, meaning male friends
    (there's a literary term for that, in which a counterpart is meant to represent the entire thing, but I can't remember it x.X)
    penises implies rebound sex
    tallER, thickER, hardER implies better sex than before
    felt, smelt, and tasted are very physical senses
    walls implies multiple male friends who provide not only protection/support but also are open for intercourse
    Thus, walls are not restricted to a metaphor for a protective emotional shell, like city walls.

    Please don't get mad if I'm wrong. I'm being totally serious. If I'm wrong, you may want to edit some parts so no one else gets the wrong idea.

    I like how you ended the last line.

    You probably know how I feel about punctuation and capitalization, but I don't think it matters as much in this poem.

    • Ms. Black Eyeliner
      September 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      LMAO

      wow that totally not what i ment LMAO but i totally see that now

      yeah i hate grammer lol so i just dont do it lol

      thanks for the comment

  • schellou
    September 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great Imagery

    I could feel every word good job!


  • poetrandy
    September 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Too lovey, sentimental!

    Good writing, but still a bit too gushy for me!


  • trekkergirl
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Another a good one. You really get emotion through in your writings. You are definitely talented. Not only do you write well. But you pick photos that go well with what you have written. Good job. I am enjoying your work so far!


  • peridotPixi
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a true and deep poem and i like the add of the picture to show more detial to this, i love how your writing is simple with a depth behind it also, i like the way you have mentioned about rebuilding the walls, this happens a lot
    keep up the writing,
    ~Amy


  • Next in line
    September 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    hey beach good job and good luck in the contest =P


  • Lil-Bit Crazy
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this...... great job you have done on the prompt........ thanks for sharing your heart and good luck in contest.......!


  • evanna
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you put your heart and soul into everything you write..
    this was no exception,

    My walls
    Rebuilt
    Taller
    Thicker
    Harder
    Than ever before- my favorite part
    this poem is very simple yet full of feelings
    i love it, Good luck with the contest!

1 - 32 of 32