Kensington’s a neighborhood in my hometown
where drugs are abundant and prostitutes abound.
There’s a certain ‘Pavement Princess’--“Hannah” is her name.
Cheap prices are her specialty; Oral sex, her claim to fame.
Hannah’s no ‘Spring Chicken’ and is well past her prime,
but she’s a fixture on the streets, stopping traffic all the time,
dressed in fishnet stockings with a flimsy top
while hanging on the corners waiting for a car to stop.
I’m driving home one afternoon; A hot and humid day.
There, stood Hannah on the corner with her body on display.
I had to stop my car because the traffic light turned red.
Hannah looked my way and of course, I turned my head.
"HEY BABY!-- HOW YA DOIN'?
WANNA HAVE A LITTLE FUN?
I'LL PUT SOME LIPSTICK ON YOUR DIPSTICK
AND CLEAN YOU UP WHEN YOU ARE DONE!"
My car window was wide open because of the heat.
I was waiting for the light to change and squirming in my seat.
Then, I heard the conversation that had come to pass
and the words that were spoken, had me laughing like an ass.
A man opened the door where Hannah was standing.
I assumed, he would run her off or give a reprimanding.
He wore a dirty tee shirt and his hair was tinged with gray.
He took one look at Hannah and then, I heard him say--
“YOU!---YOU’RE THE ONE!
YOU GAVE ME ‘CRABS’ YOU UGLY SUCKER!”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR FIVE DOLLARS?--
LOBSTER’S? MOTHER F*CKER?!”
Author notes
*Picture Credit: WalterIsTaken
**This is a TRUE story that I have related in the poem.
I actually saw & heard this conversation!!
Kensington is still a rundown neighborhood in Philadelphia and Prostitutes and Drugs are still abundant today.
In a list
A contest entry
- MUDSLIDE HUMOR CONTEST ROUND #2- invite only- for all finalist of 1st rounds 10 contest ~#119~ by Roaddog Wolf.
1225 points, ended September 21, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POLITICALLY CORRECT: Adult Humor Men Only "Options" by BluesMan.
525 points, ended November 11, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymes and free verse by misticmoonlite.
850 points, ended May 24, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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omg this is hilarious, lol you have me giggling with this piece, thank you for this entry...good luck
Linda
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Oh this is just too F-ing funny I'm from Philadelphia also. You forgot to mention what you get when you put twenty Kensington Hookers in a room togrther... Don't know... "A Full Set Of Teeth" Heheh
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This is brilliant
I live near Coventry in England and we have a district called Hill Fields. There are no hills and no fields but its certainly got a few Hannahs. Very, very funny. -
roflmao
this is hilarious
Kensington Market? Toronto?
applause
moon2u
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Just as awesome the second time around....This could just never get old!!! LOL.....Best wishes
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So, if he would have paid $10.00 he would have got lobster perhaps?
Well done to grab up an HM to move on...Scott 
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LMAO, you really stiffened up the competition with this one. I also got a big kick out of the photo you chose for this. reading some of the comments made me realize that some things common to us that live in the city are not at all common place for those in the country. Fun read and good write
thanks for your entry and best of luck in the contest judging.
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Hey you get what you pay forand am thinking he was after a quickie on the cheap..actually am surprised he even remembered but then I think if she has been doing for that long she would an icon perhaps a tourist attraction...Damn funny to watch but somehow dont think he was too happy....Nicely penned so many ways this could have ended.
Good luck in the contest.
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GOLD--GOLD---GOLD--GOLD !!
This is hilarious and even funnier because it's true. What a picture you painted with your words and what a picture you posted with your composition!
"Lipstick on your Dipstick" ROFL--What a line!!
I really laughed hard at this and reread it about a half dozen times and continued to laugh!!
Normally, funny writes bring a smile to my face, but this actually made me laugh out loud!
Excellent rhyme and flawless meter--
Well Done and this HAS TO BE GOLD! -
GOLD--This Has to be GOLD
ROFL This is the funniest write I have seen in a long time My Husband heard me laughing and came into the living room and asked me what was so funny---I showed him this poem and now he's laughing too!
I laughed at the picture and laughed even harder when I read your poem---and to top it off, you said in your Author's notes that this is a TRUE STORY!!
ROFLMFAO-- 
--Too Much!
This has to win Gold in my opinion.
Great flow and excellent rhyme and the imagery you painted is outstanding!
I can't say enough good things about this write!
Hilarious---This made my day and I have bookmarked this and will send it to my friends!
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This takes the cake! You say it is true..Wow, Philadelphia has some beuts, and this one is probably the queen! Beginning to end a hilarious riot!
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Your sense of humour never ceases to amaze me. This is excellent
All the best in the contest
Sue
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haha very good my friend. But you didn't have to mention my gray hair or the crabe.. hehe
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Too much! had me spraying my coffee on the keyboard. You are absolutely the best when it comes to challenges like this. Way to go!
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LMAO!!! You NEVER cease to amaze mo so I'm not a bit surprised to be reading something like this for the contest.
This story makes me so happy to live in the country Al. Good luck in the contest.
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LMAO I'm sooooo glad I live in a small town where none of that goes on lol You are certainly the master of humor. Surely a winner! Best of luck.
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LMAO !
Oh my god!
What a story what an ending !
You sure paint the story in fantastic humor!
I cannot get it out of my head.. yuk!!!!!
Best wishes hun
Julie
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OH MY GOSH!!!! You are INSANE!!!! Hahahhahaa!!!! Love this...... You are the king of humor my friend!!! Best wishes here...
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Funny!
Oh my you do hang out with the best people. This was sooo funny! Such a great entry for the challenge. What a really smile you created. Best of luck in the contest.
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