Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The Beat

Offered tokens
When there ain't no subway
For fifty burgs 'round

I stitch up my shoes
I follow the ground

It all leads me back
Back to yesteryear
When the beat hopped
Like frog legs on lily pads

Now it's all lilliputian
And the scene is chased
Down the rabbit hole
Though Alice is absent
And I can't relate

I'll stitch up my dreams
And follow the pavement

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Weltt
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    liked the plain background for this. good choice with that. Stanza 4 is where it's at for me.


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Absolutely Stunning!!!

    Best of luck in the contest!!!


  • Cannonsfire
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    And the beat goes on bro C


  • notorious gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Capitalizations on every line...
    you know, you are an unpredictable deity.
    LMAO...okay that was mean.
    You're the deity of parodies of deities.

    "When there ain't no subway" makes me think of lack of transporation...a metaphor for "no way out", maybe.

    'yesteryear' is a kick-ass word.

    "Like frog legs on lily pads" is one -ing simile. It's so visually strong, abstract-but-not-in-a-bad-way, and awesome.

    'lilliputian'
    Did you swallow a dictionary?
    What does that mean?

    The rabbit hole ditty makes me think of The Matrix & of course...Alice in Wonderland. Nice ref. there.

    Good luck

    Jessica


  • GirlAnachronism
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like the reference to Alice In Wonderland (happens to be my favourite childhood movie). great length, great lines. thanks for entering!

1 - 7 of 7