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the conversations of sower and seed

 

 

 

my hands

are yours

as i till the still

fertile land of your legacy

 

i furiously

bury new grains,

and hope that they will

take root and

make you less mortal

 

but

in the conversations of

sower and seed,

we fear this field

will yield orphaned

salt and bone

 

and i desperately

hope for something perennial

 

Author notes

wheat/grass

A contest entry

critical comments welcomed

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Cat gold member
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really do love this poem- i think the metaphor works so nicely-
    couple thoughts because you ask in your comment statement

    i like definitive statements especially to open a poem

    my hands are yours

    rather than

    my hands look
    like yours


    i love the furiously burying new grain

    and the orphaned salt and bone referencing the orphaned feel of an adult who has lost or is losing a parent
    i am really
    glad to find this here


    • Saffron gold member
      September 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i revised the poem, based on your suggestions--i wrote it originally like i did because i never realized until the last couple of weeks how much i look like my mother, even her hands...i think it sounds much better with your suggestion

      thank you so much for the generous comment--i very much appreciate it

      Saffron


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wonderfully use of the prompt and frankly a great poem

    all the imagery works for me and the close was particularly moving and effective



    a contender in this contest for sure...


    al


    • Saffron gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much, al--your comment really means a lot to me

      Saffron


  • S A Adelmann
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful and sad.

1 - 5 of 5