Why can I not see
My future ahead of me?
All I see is death and hate
Is this all that lies in wait?
Why can't I see my self married?
Why is it all I see is myself being burried?
Why can I not see children around me?
Why is it this is all I see?
Am I such a bad person?
I guess I learnt my lesson...
Death and hate
Sadly is all that awaits.
Author notes
This was something I thought of whilst lying in bed un able to sleep...thinking to myself. This is all I see of myself..
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow this is very dark and deep!
Hey, Karlie, I just hope this was you penning on the prompt and not from real life feeling, geeze you are sure convincing if you are penning on the prompt and you have really captured the essence of this tragic picture, this is better than the one I wrote on this same prompt!
You know that 'nothing good or bad lasts forever' and that 'where there is life there is hope and where there is hope there is life' I have said this many times!
Funny enough when I was a teenager I felt exactly as your words express, life a sort of nothingness ahead, but now look... I have you my gorgeous and much loved and cherished daughter a crazy cat called Smudge for a cute pet, a gorgeous home and car, gorgeous cherished guy, great friends and family and I am still acting daft and hey... perhaps the reason I could see nothing ahead and especially never ageing and being old is because I have remained and intent to remain eternally young and so I am a trainee geriatric juvenil delinquent refusing to age, always retaining my inner child and never giving up on anyone or anything, just pushing ahead and somehow making another year and then another.... reckon since longeivity runs in our family you will live a long life as well and before you can blink you will be geting married having a family of your own and inheriting all my rubbish and carrying on where I left off!!!... Probably cursing me for being a hoarder and having to make so many trips to the tip!
Oh and hey.... I didn't write with a slate at school 'in my day' and they did have cars when I was little and running water in houses!
Well done on another very atmospheric penning you sure know how to get in there deep geeze this one is scary.... I shall have to keep my Mumsy eye on you I think!
Loads of Love & Hugs and well done ... reckon you will make Poet Laureate yet!
Mum & Judge Smudge Stevens!
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Oh Honey So Sad
This is a nightmare for sure and those thoughts are of the enemy and not you at all. Your poem is excellent though expecially when one thinks they are bad. I have felt this way before in truth. Deep in thought most definitely brings upon nightmares of negative thinking of ones self. You wrote very well with the picture too. Excellent imagery and emotional thoughts. Such a fine poetess and so very young. You show much wisdom for a young lady of your age. Very impressive. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry with me.
Wishing You Many Blessings
Much Love
Kelle Marie
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Thank you so much Kelle. You really are so encouraging. It's so sad to hear you felt this way too. It really is hard but I have to learn the lesson that karma is giving me. Than you tons for encouraging me and making me feel less alone
Hugs,
Karlie
xxx
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Night times are terrible for thoughts such as these, it is hard to see past what we haven't got to see what we have. I like the simplicity of this piece. It is unique and straight to the point. Best to you
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hello carla,
I am marion and a friend of your mum ...
since I know about her work, I am taking the liberty of sharing my understanding of your poem in metaphysical terms, since you most certainly are familiar with this sort of language ...
I was very moved by your words, and I am trying to connect with the essence of your message in order to, hopefully, suggest some ideas ...
the first reaction was : "of course, she speaks of the death of EGO" - the concepts, beliefs, conditionings inherited and acquired from society and our ancestors which shape our personalities, and prevent us from enjoying the freedom of our souls ...
I can visualize it as a sort of heavy veil that hides our inner sun (or clouds that cover the sky) ...
the daily news on television further enhance and almost uniquely focus on "hate and death" ...
creating negative vibrations that we tend to take in as "nourishment" ...
I am sure that when you do fun things like singing, dancing, listening to uplifting music, taking a hot bath, swimming in the ocean etc. those dark thoughts don't exist ... and I would say : this state of joy and contentment is closer to "reality" than the dark moments (lack of light) ...
I don't know if you have heard of soul-retrieval, or/and past life therapy, it is an ancient shamanic technique that helps us clear our souls from the traces of traumatic past life memories ... it seems that some of our soul-parts are "lost" and trapped in dark places in the astral dimension, and the shaman or therapist talks to these parts who are like entities, and helps them to come back ...
it seems that most of us have experiences traumatic experiences of violent death in our past lives ... personally, I "remember" being burned as a witch-healer-herbalist during inquisition, and also having died as a jewish child in a concentration-camp ...
our likes and dislikes regarding films, periods of history, attraction to certain music, etc. can be precious pointers towards those past-lives we are invited to integrate and heal in our present lives ...
sometimes, in a past-live, we have made some "vows", like for example, a vow of celebacy as a nun that, in this present life may hinder us to get married ... or a vow of poverty that prevents us to embrace abundance and to benefit from material wealth ... or death by starving that makes us hoard food in this life, out of fear of lack ... the list is long ...
I am sure your mummy can tell you much more about it than I will be able to ... I will send her this message in an im, so she will be informed ...
I am keeping you in my prayers and send you lots of love and light,
marion
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Well, it's often difficult to see ourselves in the future. We're not living time backwards. (This is just to answer all your questions.)
I don't quite understand the logic of the jump from your questions about the future to "Am I such a bad person?" And all after that. The first part of the poem is very contemplative, and the jump at line 8 is rather abrupt. Maybe it's just me, but I can't see what the lesson is that you're learning.
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The jump is that basically, Am I such a bad person since all I see is the death of myself? The lessons I'm learning it to try to switch off these thoughts and maybe realise I can't see what really is ahead of me
Karlie
xx
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aawww written in a lovely way, sorry that you are thinking such deep dark thoughts, its really not nice as I have been there. The thing is we cannot see our future, wish we could and im 22 and still dont know what I want to do for my life lol...things come if you dont look for them is what people tell me so I dont look anymore otherwise i feel that nothing is coming haha xx i love the picys btw
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Thank you Lol yeah it's awkward thinking this way but I'm sure you have tons of good things ahead of you cause I can feel that you have just all I feel is death :S eek. I'm glad you like it and thank you and thanks on piccys!
Karlie
xx
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