She sat silently on the grass,
the dark and livid sky above her,
skirts billowing gracefully around her.
Her tear stained face,
hardly visible in the night,
lifted toward the white moon.
"What do I do?"
she whispers,
staring at the half white spectacle,
whisps of clouds blowing softly past.
"What must one do,
when she is in love,
and is loved back?
Yet,
the one loving back...
loves another?
Dear sweet moon!"
she cried,
"What must I do?
Just sit back and watch,
watch as the man i love,
the man who loves me back,
stays in love with the other?"
Her tears fall,
one after the other,
and only her cries echoed in the silence.
"What do I do?"
she cried once more.
Her only reply:
The soft wind on her tear spattered face,
Her echoing whispers in the still darkening night,
and the faint light of her only companion,
the faint light,
her only trail.
"What must I do?"
she whispers,
bowing her head in defeat.
Author notes
i kinda wrote this from inspiration of a book, and mostly from my own life expirence with my best friend... i seriously think this may be one of the best poems that i have ever written
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Love! by SincerelyMegan.
575 points, ended September 14, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything but gold... by SchizoChic.
450 points, ended October 3, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1 Are you good enough? by DarkShard.
900 points, ended March 31, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You are definately going to the next round
and I will tell you why.
I normally hate prose/poetry writing because noone can get it right, it ut me off until now. So congratulations.
I loved your story, it moved, it progressed, and the ending was fantastic, instea of the positive I was wating for, the turnout was negative. I loved it. every word and syllable. and I agree that it is your best so far but I do not believe that by the end f this contest that it will be your only best poem that you hve ever written. you will have to prove to me that you can write different styles with the same gace and perfection see you next round.
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Very nice indeed. It paints a picture of sadness so profoundly that I feel the pain in this poem. Best of luck.
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What becomes of a broken heart?
Hold your head high gypsy...
This made me want to comfort you.
you painted a picture of your golden face with sadness in it so beautifully,
it really made me sad.
This was done like a good old movie...
you took me beside you...
like a ghost I watched your sadness,
as you beckoned to the sky for answers.
The tears rolling down your disappointed face.
This is your masterpiece....
you put the reader there in the cloudy nite of your despair....searching for reasons why.
We can't make others love us...
that is why love is such a gift...
it is given to us out of pure unselfishness.
The nite is always followed by the light ...
where you will walk in the sun again.
Truly a most moving piece that conjures up dreams of longing...but that longing should never defeat you.
You are a strong beautiful soul that will shine again.
A piece of midnite magic....that brings thoughts of damsels in distress..
waiting for their knights in armor to return to their broken hearts.
STUNNING LASS!!!
I see the moon,
the moon sees me,
the moon sees the one,
who I want to see.
Once I had a heart
that was kind and true,
but now it's gone
from me to you.
Take care of it as I have done ,
cause you have two,
and I have none.
LOWELL
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"and only her cries echoed in the silence."
"The soft wind on her tear spattered face,
Her echoing whispers in the still darkening night,
and the faint light of her only companion,"
Those were my favorite lines, simple, deep and extremely beautiful. Great job. -
mmmm... I really like this poem, like alot. It puts accross alot of emotion and feeling, and yet it has a humble warm feeling to it as well, thats how it makes me feel. And I also know this feeling, it's a hard one, I have been through it many times.
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Blahhh
I kinda liked it.
It's horifically depressing,though.
And which best friend?
Shall I shoot him in or around the ear?
I'll do it!
Hm..
What must I do?
Just sit back and watch,
watch as the man i love,
the man who loves me back,
stays in love with the other?
D:
Stupid Christopher Allen.
Goddamn it.
You should kick his ass.
Someone should..
Anywaysss about the poem..
Hmm..
I dunno.
It's good.
It tells a great slash sad story.
My Verdict:
Ah-may-zing!
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beautiful
Reecie I love this! great imagery, the ending is really good too.
Her echoing whispers in the still darkening night,
and the faint light of her only companion,...
Great! I love this! Awesome job!
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visable = visible, m'dear.
I like it, very full of emotion. Definitely your best write yet, in my opinion.
:]
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