In the shadows we lay beneath the stars.
The moon the only source of light and
your mouth breaths life into me.
Questions linger in my mind as I ponder
whether you meant what you said that night.
Your fingertips caress the small of my back
and your breath against my face.
My tongue pressed against the inside of my cheek
and your hand layed upon my heart.
It was five minutes to midnight on a cold December night.
Home wasn't safe but when I was in your arms the whole world vanished.
Nights I would have killed to have again replay in my mind.
Your hands, sticky yet still you ran them through my disheveled hair.
Your mouth tasted like caramel popcorn and cotton candy.
High-school dances and mistletoe kisses almost like a fairytale.
But our story ended abruptly without a happy ending.
The shadows still linger in the doorway
and nights seem to last longer then forever.
Four years pasted and my dreams still go unanswered.
Icy blue eyes glance back at me in my bloodied reflection.
I remember how your green eyes use to gaze
across the autumn sky as we watched the sunset
I traded prince charming for prince atrocious.
It was five minutes to midnight
when I lost my chance at something real.
I cling to the memories not willing to let go
The times you captivated my heart and calmed the chaos.
We looked for approval instead we were condemned.
It was the Romeo and Juliet complex
the stars said we weren't meant to be.
We weren't willing to risk it all so we cut our ties
and familiarize with that lonely feeling of knowing
you had forever in your hands and just let it go.
Author notes
dani.sez.rawr
i still think this poem is kinda suckish but im still suffering from writers block so ill try to write a fresh poem later on
_____________________________________________________________________
Im not yet done i dont think its that good so i may delete it and im still working on the form.
Boys Like Girls - Five Minutes to midnight
A contest entry
- 40 song titles. by etoile.
600 points, ended September 29, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Love Story With A Twist by Venus25.
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Music Contest! My First! by Deformed Duck.
600 points, ended September 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r you want. impress me? by xxwhatsherfacexx.
450 points, ended September 18, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
This is a good entry. The last stanza is my favorite. Best of luck!
Lillie
-
the imagery was amazing. and i loved the story behind this.
however the second stanza seemed out of place. especially the second line where you said 'Your hands were sticky but still you ran them through my hair....they got stuck.' it just seemed awkward to me.
however i loved the last stanza a lot.
this was a great way to use the title.
thanks for entering
-
-
That whole stanza was kind of a struggle for me its when my writers block kicked in.Im actually going through a phase of editing my poems so im probably going to rewrite that stanza to make it fit in.
-
-
my gosh. i'm speechless.
that was my favorite entry so far. seriously great writing.
"we weren't willing to risk it all so we cut our ties and familiarize with that lonely feeling of knowing you had forever in your hands and just let it go."
those last lines, were just...gahhh...amazing write!
good luck and thanks for entering!
-
-
Thank you for my first gold trophy =]
-
-
WOW! I love thissong and this poem! Thanks for entering!
-
i really don't think you should delete it,
i envy greatly your elaborate use of detail,
i can picture it in my head and feel it in my heart as i read it,
it's phenominal.
*dee* -
While you should continue to work with this until you are satisfied with, I agree with everyone else when they say you shouldn't delete it. This is very quaint and written well. "It was the Romeo and Juliet complex / the stars said we weren't meant to be." Those were my favorite lines.
Good luck in the contest!
Brit
-
This peom is very detailed. You paint a picture with your words and I love the first verse. Its like a story within a story. Good job! DONT DELETE IT!!!!!!!!
-
Do not delete this! It's very captivating!
Thanks for entering and best of luck!
-
A very touching love lost poem.
Very Good
Don
-
Don't delete it. I like it.
However, I don't like commenting on unfinished thing.
Finish it, and then notify a group or two via the chat thing. If I see that notification of a finished piece, then I'll come back and read fo' reealz. -
i agree ...dont delete it.its really good! i loveit and good luck
-
don't delete. its amazing
i love it.
"We looked for approval instead we were condemned.
It was the Romeo and Juliet complex
the stars said we weren't meant to be"
fav' part.
-
dont delete it, its really good. its got a bittersweetness to it and i like it. i hope you do finish it but ive got to say its good as it is too. wonderfully written
-
This really good!
I'd like to read it again when its finished.
Nice choice and selections of words
-
For something that isn't complete, this is really good.
Very well penned
-
"High-school dances and mistletoe kisses almost like a fairytale" awwww
"Now the shadows still linger in the doorway and nights seem to last longer then forever." i love this line
i love this poem don't delete it it's great
gretr job
-
This is really good. I think you should finish it, you have something amazing going. Good luck!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
