I feel sometimes like relieving stress,
letting off some steam. This therapy
which requires your sharpest blade.
and the loss of a basin full of my ab negative.
I feel as if I were Atlas,
carrying the world on my
shoulders, weighed down by
an IMPULSE.
The blade calls to me, I need to feel it's bite,
I want to. I haven't harmed myself in more than five years.
but I want to.
Sharp, pointy things catch my eye.
and I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.
I fantasize constantly about having,
the strength to HURT.
Like Van gogh, laboring away on the crow's field,
I carve intricacies into flesh, letting precious, liquid gold flow.
my scars I wear proudly like a new winter cap.
I silently, longingly crave more.
Author notes
My First Contest entry, How is it, criticisms please.
A contest entry
- Dirty Little Secrets by Auburn Sunrise.
1000 points, ended September 20, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I have never read a cutting poem that I liked.... until now. I will admit i did cut myself on purpose one time, but it never turned into more. I can relate anyways though because you just totally made me crave a ciggerette.... they are the addiction I keep quitting. And quitting. LOL
The perspective here was one I'd never heard expressed before but it makes sense to me and I think your adding it really made the poem great...
Like Van gogh, laboring away on the crow's field,
I carve intricacies into flesh, letting precious, liquid gold flow.
my scars I wear proudly like a new winter cap.
I've been there before too. Used to work with some very behavioral handicapped people and I wore the bruises proudly like battle scars and showed them to everyone! They were their own kind of beautiful. -
So, tell me - where did you get the key to that dark and sealed vault within my mind?
You opened it and spilled its secrets.
I, too, still crave it - and more.
In fact, I wear scabbed reminders of this now. It causes more pain to those who love me than it does me, I think... and it breaks those fragile bonds of trust... but I just can't help it.
Sometimes the pressure builds up inside and it is far too much for me to bear - I feel like I will explode and completely self-destruct, so in a last-ditch effort to save my life, I have to release some of it.
So I understand exactly where you're coming from. The scars are acutely painful reminders of my weaknesses, of how flawed I am internally.
But they're never enough, for some sick reason.
Wonderfully expressed emotions and write.
Tough to digest, but I can't take my eyes off of it.
A few suggestions:
In the first stanza, I'd write "ab negative" like this:
"AB-negative" or at least, "ab-negative", I understand that the capitlization might detract from your carefully capitalized words.
The last line, I would remove the "I", and leave it as just "Silently, longingly craving more."
Great entry!!!
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the craving is always going ot be there. the question is... do you cave in again? keep your mind on other things... one can still feel without it hurting one self.
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Well, you have picked a subject that gets written about a heck of a lot on this site (cutting). Apart from that, you give it a slightly different approach (but then, you're a better poet). This is quite good - best of luck in the contest.
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