when aluminum whistles do nothing more,
but make an empty noise
my tears will begin to fall in shades of metallic flashes
like the blurs of shooting-stars
on a daytime sky.
[it’s just not happening]
when your heart becomes warmer
than the sun on a summers day
I will smile.
[it’s just not a reality]
when lies become truths,
when cameras show pictures of the soul,
when you become real.
I would climb mountains
just to hold your hand.
I would do everything for you
just to see your smile.
but these are unspoken vows,
unspoken thoughts,
for if you knew how I felt
I’d be used until I’d become
an imperfection.
more destroyed than your black lungs,
or your pea-sized heart.
I sew my lips shut
so never again can I speak
in sets of ‘I love you’s’.
and like Saturn,
I rotate
in search of a solid center
that means more than just empty air.
and like Saturn
I feel that it will take more than 4.6 billion years
to find you.
Author notes
gaaah
first poem i wrote in a looong time.
not liking this 
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 Titles by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended September 27, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like it, I think it's pretty.
It has underlying meaning that I can't quite point out, further than longing and less than tragedy... Maybe reminicence? (sp?). Nicely done. -
I sew my lips shut
so never again can I speak
in sets of ‘I love you’s’.
and like Saturn,
I rotate
in search of a solid center
that means more than just empty air.
and like Saturn
I feel that it will take more than 4.6 billion years
to find you.
LOVE your metaphors.
fucking jealousss.
good luck emu
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yes, this is quite brilliant.
i love this.
-
when lies become truths,
when cameras show pictures of the soul,
when you become real.
------------------------
that is amaing
do you know how much i love that
lol?
gah i love the way that you write
so amazing!!! -
Aw, love, why don't you like this! It's beautiful. For not have written a poem in awhile, you surely penned something wonderful. Damn, I wish I had your talent when I've lost my muse. Incredibly written.
-when aluminum whistles do nothing more,
but make an empty noise
my tears will begin to fall in shades of metallic flashes
like the blurs of shooting-stars
on a daytime sky.
...
WOW. Love the metaphors in that line; very vivid & your imagery as well. It adds something to the poem. Creativity, I'd say
Beautiful.
-more destroyed than your black lungs,
or your pea-sized heart.
...
Hah! Brilliant. Black lungs;; love the metaphor. & pea-sized heart. Psh. Don't they all have one of those. ;]
This is great, my dear ! Keep it up & good luck in that contest ! ♥
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thanks dear
your comments always make me feel like i can write when im just hating my work atm.
♥
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