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branches in wind -
sun and shadow on wagons
full of logs

Original version in my native (Czech) language:

větve ve větru
slunce, stín na vagónech
plných kulatin 

Author notes

14. The trees appeared to be bleeding
-------------------
Three pins
Inside and outside
-------------------
2. Peace
-------------------
Zvrhlík
-------------------
'tweakermuffin'
-------------------
http://www.ahapoetry.com/aadoh/autcel.htm (it is saijiki)
wind belongs to fall

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 31 of 31
  • Fisher
    December 24, 2008

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    Short and Sweet

    In 3 lines you are obviously limited to an extent but you have overcome that wonderfully. Lookin ag your Czech version (I don't speak it) it looks as if it would sound nicer to the ear yet the translation has by no means been a wasted one, it works well.


  • Danna Hobart
    December 17, 2008

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    Well, you create an interesting image and set a certain tone, which is about all you can do with a compressed haiku.


  • Harlequin Dance
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Eh? Pretty soothing and simple for a short poem, beautiful images in it. Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed reading it.

    On a side note, that's a lot of contests this little poem has been through!


  • DogFish silver member
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Rustic joy !


  • Sunkissed xo
    December 10, 2008

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    I like this a lot for its gentle simplicity and soothing natural imagery. In so few words, it conveys a lot of meaning. Well done on this one. Thanks for entering the contest

  • piccola silver member
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for the translation. I'd like to hear it in your native language; do you know how to post a video? I don't ... though I tried. anyway, thanks for entering, the write presents a nice image.


  • SemiCharmedLife
    November 25, 2008
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    Very interesting!

    Good Luck!


  • blackchapter
    November 12, 2008
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    Interesting write... I like how you've chosen "the trees appeared to be bleeding" and at the end of your haiku you've mentioned the wagons being full of logs. It fits nicely. Well done and good luck in the contest!


  • HopelessScribbles gold member
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    cute

    short and unique, thank you for this entry good luck
    Linda


  • Hikari Lady
    November 10, 2008

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    It's a great write, great flow and all but I'm not sure it fits in my contest since it didn't really get through me and make me feel the peace I was seeking.
    It's a creative write nonetheless but I can't see it fitting what I want. I won't DQ but I can't include it anywhere.
    Thanks for sharing though!

    ~Noor


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 7, 2008

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    I find haiku quite challenging to write & was quite impressed by the addition of the original version in Czech. Thank you for your entry & good luck!

  • Silver Sionnach
    November 6, 2008

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    Wow. That was quite impressive. Thank you for the Czech translation. It was simple yet inspiring. Best of luck in all the contests and thank you for entering mine.

    ~ L


  • The Fun House silver member
    November 2, 2008
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    I really dig that you've included the translation to this one. I hope to one day learn every language as I feel we miss something of the world's mystery without it. This is a beautifully done piece of poetry. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    November 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write I can picture it.


  • trekkergirl
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    okay this is interesting. Thanks for sharing it. So you are a native of Czec huh? I don't think I have ever met anyone from there before. Nice to meet you. Thanks for sharing and entering your poem in my contest.


  • writeroftoast
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't exactly how this fit the contest. I don't really like this kind of poetry, but I'll try to be impartial. It was a good haiku, very flowing. But I can't really consider it for the contest... sorry. *frown*


  • aeolia
    October 19, 2008
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    Jak se česky řekne "good haiku"? Sorry for butchering Czech; that's one of the few phrases I know, besides how to ask where the loo is, lol.

    Anyways, this is a nice haiku, and it definitely captures that little moment. Thanks for the entry & good luck in all the contests.

    -hiraeth


  • No longer in use
    October 18, 2008
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    Haiku...if this is one...was never something I got into writing. I believe I wrote one that was horrible and I never really got into it. But this is good. I like this. Very nice job. I see the picture in my mind. Well done. Maybe I should start up Haiku-ing.


  • etoile
    October 18, 2008
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    I liked the imagery in this one, even though it is short. I like this write better than your other one, it just seemed more original and unique.
    also I liked how you wrote it in English and in Czech. that was nice.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • DramaQueen469 gold member
    October 16, 2008
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    Wow.

    Very different. Which is by no means a bad thing - original is hard to come by these days. Simple, but very sweet.

    Good luck and thanks for entering!

    (OAnd just as an aside - Czech is a gorgeous language, especially written)


  • edit my world.
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    not what i was lookin for


  • SignifyingNothing
    October 14, 2008

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    Some really great imagery here. I can almost see it, the logs on wagons, dappled by the sun, with shadows and light. Really awesome stuff. You remind me of a young Walt Whitman, and his famous

    "So much depends on a red wheelbarrow..."

    For someone for whom English is a second langauge, you sure penned a powerful poem.

    Nice job, and thanks so much for entering.


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    October 12, 2008

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    A very nice Haiku.
    It paints a very good picture,
    Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
    ED.


  • new born
    October 4, 2008

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    This was very nice. I'm not a big fan of haiku, but this was pretty good. Your imagery was very nice.


  • Jenny84
    October 4, 2008

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    I think this is very creative, howeber I'm not really sure how it supposed ti inspire me, maybe you can let me know.


  • turtletacular
    October 4, 2008
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    a comment

    cool...


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 4, 2008
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    This is great haiku, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • etoile
    October 1, 2008
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    ap name in authors notes please. and I'll comment for real later.


  • SilverWolf
    September 21, 2008
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    Thats a really good haiku. Reminds me of pioneers back.
    Made me think Love them kind of haikus and poems.

    Thanks for entering
    SilverWolf
    "Newbies Of Allpoetry"

  • kistoclou
    September 18, 2008
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    good

    like I said in my wutever prompt I love haikus, however, I do wish it were longer. Very creative though. It makes me think of pioneers I guess. (sry i should have warned you, I'm reading about Puritans in English and for some reason someone brought up pioneers today and I can't stand it) but it was good. Not a trophy winner (but it still may be worth honorable mention)


  • Symphony
    September 9, 2008
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    Lovely - so visual. A short and simple read yet visually active which is no easy feat. Nice job, and thank you for sharing this with us

1 - 31 of 31