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the stairwells, the balconies, and the rooftops

Missing image
shadows were sparse

(but we found them)

in that yellow shaft

and the cold walls

braced our shivers

 

a kiss was always

a shock

but one mouth kept hidden

the little moans from the other

 

  walk one flight

  stop

  hold me

  walk another flight

 

from the high-and-heady

cliffs of glazed bricks

like two seabirds

our gaze was

windswept

over the Victorian gables

to where the last day-gleam

caught the hill

and a far thunder

laughed at us

 

it seems that somewhere

I lost the way that we were taking…

 

today I tossed aside

my old jeans

remembering

her fingers toying

at the waistband

and those last words

unfinished

  you are so…

 

and that is all

 

 

Author notes

Do I really have to enumerate the prompts which inspired this?

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • vaguelyfamiliar
    October 10, 2008

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    I got lost in this, dangerously lost. It's sensual and vivid, and it made me a wee bit sad.

    you are so....

    I should read more of you.


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey, we made it side by side...congratulations on the silver, and goodnight. See you in the morning, Glory Love, Lane


  • sailor ptolema
    October 9, 2008
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  • sailor ptolema
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh, now this, this is good. i love how texturized this poem is. the reader is in each scene, seeing through the narrator's eyes. there is a tender sadness - subtle - that i really like. on principle, i generally dislike reading love/lost love poems... . but this just tells it like it was, and to use your words "and that is all". and i really, really love that.

    thanks for entering.

    pt

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      October 8, 2008
      Edit | Reply


      A love/lost love poem is just a poem, and I do poems. I have always enjoyed writing stuff that people like against their expectations. Thank you for your praise.

  • Dalaney gold member
    September 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I would rather read you than Yeats any day. I mean it. Here is a poignant and bittersweet tale of love long ago, and yet, I felt I was there...maybe I should have been there. Darling, you are so far and above who you perceive yourself to be - I guess it will be my job to remind you of this every now and then Love to you, Lane

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You are amongst the handful of brilliant writers who try to remind me that I am half-way good at all, Lane. Thank you.

  • chordphrute
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    sigh ... your first love. I'll never forget that story.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    You are so. . .

    poetically brilliant.


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for that praise. I don't know that I deserve it.

      • Pure Thought silver member
        September 7, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        You should know and do deserve. But I admire your humble attitude.
        I don't know many talented artists who really feel they deserve praise and accolades for the beauty they create.

        A good friend and oil painter, slashed ALL is works many years ago. I came home to find him in the studio, drunk and surrounded by the results of his desperate kaos. It is the only time I have cried over something not living. The loss of the beauty he crated and the loss of a beautifully creative soul. Andy never painted again... except houses.

        Sorry rambling tonight.

        • Mairi bheag gold member
          September 7, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          People used to tell me my poetry ought to be published, and whenever they did so, I went and got a book, and read aloud a really good poem (maybe "Wandering Angus" by W B Yeats). And then I said: "That is the opposition, if you like; that's what I have to beat to be published!"

          I think I am still several steps south of being brilliant. The good thing about that, I suppose, is that it makes me keep writing.

          Thank you for your kind comments, and feel free to ramble.


  • Jersene gold member
    September 7, 2008

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    This is beautifully written...and yet has this quality of mystery, allowing the reader to fill in the blanks. Enjoyed!

  • chordphrute
    September 7, 2008
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    hmm


  • Amera gold member
    September 7, 2008

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    Love,
    Amera♥


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Evocative, sensual, delightfully Mairi.
    I think a NB2.NHB covers this one, lovely stuff

  • Bad Bill
    September 7, 2008

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    Love, nostalgia and evocative atmosphere--a perfect recipe cooked with Michelin flair. What more could one desire in poetry?

    Tá dán seo go h-álainn,
    Bill

1 - 25 of 25