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The Ultimate Defense Is To Pretend.

I can easily tell you've become quite apprehensive
contentious questioning

of my whereabouts
& the pristine mishaps I've encountered
when you never cared to be around;
but it's not my fault you've been hesitating
& selfishly putting me on a pedestal 
instead of leading me straight into your arms

[what did you expect]

I'm already tripping over the dishonesty

you penetrate me with
breathing in your poisonous caress
as it seeps throughout my veins
& targets my knowledge 
of retrieving right from wrong

but baby,
I'm tired of painting our future
in my reasonless imagination
when you figure me into your mind
as nothing more but a crutch
for your seclusion & adequacy

your heart was never there.

time deceased with the hour glass
as did we
while the sand scattered to the bottom
& our hearts unlatched
cluttering beneath my skin
& deepening this unconditional sorrow
etching you permanently
into the grained & torn notebook
beckoning the infatuation
I was afraid to admit to

now I'm distinguished by only a defensive smile
using every functional muscle
to prove to you I'm okay
when really
I spend my nights rearranging my thoughts
& tucking them into drawers
only applicable
when I slip away into reckless dreams
where your lips brush against my neck
& effuse throughout my body;
containing an envelope of temperance
as it staples to my barely occluded heart

all I have strength to do
is pretend that closure is overrated
& acceptance is only a virtue
though my stomach churns
when my mind wanders into your hands
& perceptive nauseousness
trembles up & down
my broadened yet achromic throat

a part of my existence
will be blockaded to you
releasing the pain in my words
& contaminating my breath;

no longer am I your source
when you need to feel appreciated.

if you want me in your tainted life
you'll have to collect the durability

to place me there.



Author notes

IT'S NOT UP TO ME ANYMORE. IF YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO PUT ME THERE.

Quote Option :]


gahhh. WHERE HAS MY MUSE GONE?
sorry this is so horrible =/ 

2. Love (happy or sad)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know why and how it always seems that you write about feelings the exact same time I feel similar, it's kind of eerie. So beautifully wrote, so relatable... it echoes my feelings exactly, wonderful as always honey.

  • LoveNLyrics
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is one of the most amazing pieces I've read yet! Your wording is outstanding. I love that you mix extraordianary words in with simple everyday words to make for a great piece of poetry. I was inspired, and it was definitely along the lines of what I was looking for.


  • xSarahx
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know how this feels, you don't know whether to get closure or try to forget it completely. Sometimes you expect too much from someone, because you think they're better than nothing. You think they'd actually make an effort, or even give you the satisfaction of closure. This poem feels like one of my own, obviously it's not but it gives me recollection of bitterness and sadness. Well, great job, and good luck!


  • ratkos
    September 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You are an old soul!! Your writing is so deep and profound and never superficial> I loved this


  • trekkergirl
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is a wonderful write. So very full of emotions. So much imagery. So much feeling. Great job!


  • AbandonedAngel
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was so freakin awesome


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's what's up. Put your foot down. lol
    Real, powerful, raw emotion flowed through this and the pic at the top re-enforced it.


  • she still smiles x gold member
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oooh

    YesyesYESSSS. You show him who's boss, for realz yo!!! Haha I like the pic

    ~all I have strength to do
    is pretend that closure is overrated
    & acceptance is only a virtue~

    I loved those lines, they were my favorites, especially the 'closure is overrated' part, but by all means, it is not! Guys break you and then leave...they are all the same.

    As always, the imagery in hurrr is fantastical!

    ~I spend my nights rearranging my thoughts
    & tucking them into drawers
    only applicable
    when I slip away into reckless dreams~

    lalaLOVEEE that. Don't let him unbalance you anymore. I know I say this all the time but I wouldn't if I didn't mean it: YOU DESERVE SO.MUCH.BETTER.

    "It will get better, I promise." Iloveeyouu<3333

  • The Rainbows Mind
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I can really see my own reflection in your metaphoric mirror of words

    My favorite group of words was, unconditional sorrow, an obvious play on words and thought for what one imagined to be unconditional love. Speaking of metaphor, I see this poem is rich in it. I do enjoy metaphor, poems about reevaluating yourself, and the "loved one around you."
    Reminds me of a few situations I've been through in my life time. When the cloud of love begins to bleed rain of lust, the sky becomes black. The future seems uncertain, and often times we feel compelled to say and think that our "partner's" ignorant pissfornune, isn't soaking us. Yet no, umbrella and rain coat can help the situation. One must walk away from the destructive paterns of this predicted rain storms. Always a forecast, yet our lack of trust for others, also makes it impossible for us to trust ourselves, and our instincts.
    What do we do about it? When you figure it out, let me know.


  • redhanded
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. This is a very well put together piece. Full of imagry and the whole shaa---bang!...I love this piece. The flow is great. Your vocabulary is great. and it is over-all a very incredible piece. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.

    Andi
    (redhanded)

    thank you for entering.


  • Summer52
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such angst in your writing.
    But I did feel the hurt
    in your questioning heart.
    It's like self-torture
    with only the depth of
    your emotion can impart.
    to release the pain
    it's a good feeling
    to express the ache
    then everything
    will be open
    and sunshine
    in your eyes
    will glitter
    once again.



    Good write!


    Summer51

    • innocence jaded.xx
      September 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for all your comments It really makes my day =]]]


      • Summer52
        September 6, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Anytime sweetheart.


        Good luck to all you contests and entries.


        Summer51

1 - 14 of 14