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origami, origami (acrostic)

on stilts negotiating with toxin
rain removes layers of fabrication
isolated attempts remain so futile
given the weakness of soggy paper
against grain-less supposed gains
made mushy by perception's keen vision
in analysis of consolation

on close by dark nemesis inscription
reads miseries lacked deus ex machina
instigated by the cruelest person
god who made this world by papier-mâché
and neglected to make heart anything but
malleable with too fallible nature
instead of weather-proof against daggers

Author notes

15. origami

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • sailor ptolema
    October 8, 2008

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    oh ouch. it would be nice, if we could be impervious to these 'daggers' you talk about. love the acrostic, too. i haven't seen to many of these done as well, and natural as this.

    thanks for entering!

    pt


  • notorious gold member
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The title of this 'twas intriguing, yo.
    Origami is so frucking cool, & you'd think me being Asian would automatically have me ascend to "Origami Pro".

    Unfortunately, folding paper is not one of my talents...my cranes are HIDEOUS, and that's like what, the easiest thing to fold?

    Anyways, for a double acrostic or two-in-a-row acrostic...this was bloody amazing.

    Actually, for a poem in general, I just liked it.

    "on stilts" makes me think of being on tenterhooks...hesitation to create something beautiful, or just hesitation in general? Cool use of 'toxin'.

    "given the weakness of soggy paper" both makes me smile & cringe...could be taken as humor or a sad metaphor.

    "made mushy" is the funniest alliteration I've seen in a while...although it's usually you that has the funny alliteration.

    "perception's keen vision" sounds like sarcasm to me for some reason...perhaps I'm in a cynical mood.

    "dark nemesis inscription" is RAD!!!! I love all 3 of those words...

    That last line...well, I love it.
    It's abstract mixed with understandable.


    Good luck!! *gives you a trophy shaped like a spoon*

    Jessica (:


  • Cannonsfire
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I used to be able to make a swan out of paper but I think I like your write about this even better and I love those lines in the last stanza...because you are right there is no heart in papier mache even if there is beauty C

1 - 5 of 5