the empty teeth of this city shone bright from a mouth too big to hold them
and we lay,
bodies sprawled naked across granite floors
challenging everything
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1 - 5 of 5
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So short and powerful. Awesome write here. Thanks so much for sharing this with us! Keep up the great workl!
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i believe adsaige was right about the spacing it is kind of distracting in a way. as for the poem itself, beautiful images, not too sure about the ending but it still works. i love how brief this is
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There is no need for the spaces between the lines...it gives it a disjointed feeling...making the write awkward....
I like the write...I think its simplicity is the factor that is counted on from the title...it works well together...
There is really no criticism that can be applied to this poem...Just the ending of "challenging everything" seems to summarize everything, capture a pure essence, and completely challenged....Astonishing... -
Another wow. Sorry I can't leave criticism here. Perfect words, in my opinion. Just ridiculously perfect. So quickly you've captured sensations of. . . as you put it "challenging everything". The images are so diverse, yet so perfectly connected, all a different angle on that . . . . theme. I've never seen better connotations put to granite floors. -And kept so real. Vivid- metaphorical and literal at once.
Brilliant. I should stop rambling, these goofy, fan-type comments are the worst. . .
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Wow. This is a pretty cool little poem that you have going on here.
It was very very short but I loved how it was so open to interpertation. I could definitely see how they could be read so many ways. And each person that reads it can see it anyway that fits thier life and their feelings. I thought you did a great job with this.
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