Romeo and Juliet
Fell in love at first sight
That would be a fair bet
Even though, and not in jest
Their union would never be blessed
For neither of their homes, it's true
Not Capulet nor Montague
Would ever be caught within the view
Of a house considered lesser of two
Poor Romeo and Juliet
Cursed from the moment they met
All Romeo, Benvolio and Mercutio wanted to do
Was to see if Rosaline had shown to party too
Then his eyes fell upon Juliet before he knew
(Rosaline who?)
Oh the passionate rebellion that ensued..
But it took some time before things went askew
As they were married quickly these love birds anew
Having their plan in place they rushed to consummate
Before anymore troubles could be piled on their plate
The honeymoon night spent together but shortly lived
As Juliet's father has big news he wants to give
The plan he has, you see, is for Paris to wed Juliet
And in only three days, is when he has arranged it
Poor Juliet in a cloud of despair and confusion
Seeks out Nurse for advice, but is met with disillusion
Friar Lawrence upon hearing this from Juliet
Concocts a potion, because it's not over yet
He offered help in hopes to settle this plight
Juliet returns to find she only has one night
The date of the wedding was moved up a day
This could mess up all the plans put into play
A message sent to Romeo would never meet his eyes
Juliet, none the wiser, drinks the potion and "dies"
The Capulets grieve and Juliet is laid in the family tomb
Romeo in Mantua, only receives notice of her final doom
Rushing to the apothecary to obtain a vial of death
He hurries home to Verona, to meet Juliet on spirit breath
Paris at the tomb scatters flowers all around Juliet's grave
Enraged at the sight of Romeo he wants to fight the knave..
Romeo's adrenaline overflows, and Paris he easily overthrows
Entering the tomb he is faced with his loss and sorrows..
Juliet laid to rest in tomb, still as beautiful as before
Romeo's grief consumes him, he refuses to live without her
Turning upward the vile liquid he drinks it so swift
Laying next to his Juliet, his death is his final gift..
Just then the Friar comes, to see Juliet fully awake
With Romeo by her side, not alive, His death not fake
Friar Lawrence urges Juliet "The watch is on their way!"
Juliet she hears him not, with Romeo she wants to stay..
Seeing the vile in Romeos hand, his lips she does kiss
Hoping that the poison on his lips will be the end of this
When sweet death she does not bring her reprieve
She raises Romeos dagger and back fall her sleeves
When the dagger reaches it mark, it is a slow death
The end of her sorrow comes with her very last breath
Star crossed lovers, damned from the very start
Beginning and ending with the beat of two hearts..
Romeos Mother, Lady Montague, now dead from grief
Paris is also dead, and it didn't seem to be brief
Montague and Capulet both see a lesson to be learned
A family feud is much like a fire that is left to burn
So the house of Capulet and the house of Montague
Settled out their differences and ended the feud
Thanks to the treasured love of these star crossed two
Now ends the remixed tale of Juliet Capulet and Romeo Montague..
Author notes
Alright, it actually took me some time to get the feel for this. I love the classic tale Romeo and Juliet, and I also love classic tales of "star crossed lovers".. So I started this about 2 weeks ago, and this is what happened. I want some honest opinions on this one. No I did not try for specific meter or format.. I did however do my best to make it rhyme. So come on, tell me what you think. 
A contest entry
- Give Me What You Got by peregrin.
600 points, ended October 5, 2008, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think..
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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well done here
A lot of work put into this piece and interesting indeed
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LOL
1. I am a huge Romeo And Juliet fan.
So I find this bloody amazing, I effing love it!
2. IT IS AMAZING! That is not a good enough word, brilliant, freaking brilliant, Bloody freaking brilliant.
3. It is well written, and it flows amazingly.
This is amazing, I love it!
Thank you for your entry!
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Thank you!
As it says in the AN's this piece took a while, actually I think it took longer than any piece I ever worked on. I appreciate this lovely comment so much because I love Romeo and Juliet, and thought for sure I could never do the classic tale justice.. As someone with the same appreciation for the tale as myself, you have given me confidence that I have not left Shakespeare with a sour taste in his mouth! Thank you again.. I am very glad you enjoyed this.
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I think you did an excellent job remixing this classic tale. I love the story here. The rhyme was nice as well. Enjoyed reading this one. Keep up the great work.
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Thanks Mo! I am glad you enjoyed this piece. As I said in the AN's it was kinda hard for me to get the feel of this. Even though I have a really good knowledge of the tale/play, I have a horrible memory and I was having trouble not modernizing it. I wanted to keep the time table but make it easier for others to read and understand. I may end up making this piece longer, by adding the other parts of the story, the more boring ones, and seeing if I can't make it easier to read and more relative to the reader. Thank you Mo for your support and always wonderful comments.
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I "did" Romeo and Juliet at school... You know something? This version is much more readable and interesting!
Slayer
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Haha! So did I! One of the only moments in my life where I can remember clearly being chosen because of pure ability and not because of status of appearance. It was one of the few truly shining moments for me in my life. I have been thinking about rewriting it, my own version shortened a little and brought about so that time period was not lost in translation, easier to read but not modernized. Thank you for your wonderful comment! I am very pleased you enjoyed this piece.
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I LOVE ROMEO AND JULIET! So, naturally, i had a huge smile on my face as I read you "remixed" version... it was a good retelling, but the absence of meter made it difficult to appreciate all the work you put into the rhyme...It's great, but if you try to adjust it to a rythm of some kind, it would really shine
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Thanks Tabby!!
I appreciate the comments, and the clappies. As I said in the AN, I wasn't really trying for meter or anything at the time, I had a lot going on in my head, and if I had went with the Whole story format, event for event, it would have been at least 3 times as long.. So I was going for the big stuff, and trying to get it to rhyme wasn't so hard, getting the rhythm was what had me.. Thanks for your wonderful comments, and thank you for offering your advice! I love to get feedback that helps, and over time I hope to work on this piece and bring it to its max.
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Well..
I honestly don't know or remember much about any of shakspeares pieces(including this one) l.o.l. but it's only because the way they spoke drove me nuts! l.o.l. BUT, I love how you told a tale that was totally engrossing and yes the rhyme was pretty decent..But you excelled at telling a very good story!
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