Hi there, my name's Sarah and I am from small-town America! I love Jesus, I love babies (especially illegitimate ones) and I love guns and hockey too and I love my wonderful, wonderful country, one and indivisible, yay, and I never really meant it when I said Alaska should be independent. That was a Monty Python type joke. Real cute. I love animals too and that I is where I combine my love of guns, animals and Jesus - yay, I love to KILL animals with my guns and then I can pray to Jesus! And eat a mooseburger, yummy. Hallelujah!
I surely hate elitism and people from the media who sip latte and come from the East Coast and that's why I want to go to Washington and serve my country there and I love my family (which I why I keep them out of the limelight apart from flying them to St Paul and giving them prominent seats in the conference hall and dragging them onto the stage and that's also why I broke the law and revealed when my son would be deploying to Iraq as it just happened to be on 11th September and I thought I'd just mention that except that he's not actually going on that date anyway, it was another Monty Python joke, yay). Praise the good Lord!
I am pro-life, pro-gun, pro-Jesus, pro-marriage, conservative with a Kapital K, yay! Hallelujah! Which means I am anti-women's rights, anti-liberal, anti-Satan, anti-evolution, anti-premarital sex (except for my family but that just makes me a real typical American mom), anti-gay, anti-reality. So I'm roughly 20% in agreement with old timer McCain, yay! But that ole boy ain't going to last long and then I can bring Jesus to the whole world and move the White House to Alaska. Clap hands for the Lord!
I have so much time on my hands these days I have started writing poetry (after all, 5 kids, governing Alaska, running for V-P, killing harmless fluffy animals by the score, cutting social costs and fighting leftist corruption and praying to the Lord Jesus, fixing up family shotgun marriages and speaking in tongues among my demented Pentocostal brothers and sisters down the Ole Eskimo Rugged Cross Moose Chapel can only occupy me for a part of the day). Yay. Hallelujah!
I am a pervy pentacostal poet for 2 comments and my mood is murderous .
I AM IN THE GROUPS: Alaskans for Jesus, Eskimos aren't gay, Fascists for Congress, Guns for Teenagers, Hockey got my pregnant, Kill A Moose A Day, McCain's Oven-Baked Crisp Lovers, Poets With Time on their Hands, Silly Cows for V-P.
Vote for me and watch the Western World go down the plughole!
Adding your comment:
I am working away at commenting on this contest and can only do a couple of comments a day because of writers like you that make me feel like my head is going to come unscrewed from the fun of these entries. 
Poor Sarah... you really roasted her here. 
