I love to gaze at mountains
sweeping down to the sea
their great form reaching skyward
rugged immovable, free.
Giants who play with shadows
when at certain times of day
they sweep across the escarpment
altering greens to grey,
At night by the moon it all changes
only a silhouette stands
by the light of the night the ranges
don’t look nearly so grand,
‘till a full moon sets them on fire
and dances over their head,
creating an aura of danger
where only the brave would tread.
No one has conquered the summit
though more than a few have prevailed
on that great gaunt giant’s challenge,
every one of them failed.
I watch from safe terra firma
as each year the faithful come back
when weather is calmer and warmer
to plan another attack,
but they don’t seem to see the beauty
or ever cringe at its power,
or feel the peace of a sunrise
kissing it’s craggy tower.
Or see the clouds like a bridegroom
bear down on the bride all in white,
the mountains and sky together,
At one in the morning sunlight.
Author notes
Moons and mountains
A contest entry
- Winklings Contest # 122 Open to all poets! by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended September 28, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Why centre it? What is gained?
This is plainly not an English sentence:
"Creating an aura of danger
where only the brave would tread."
'though' is the same sound as the abbreviated ' tho' '!?
it’s power => its power.
This poem has much potential. I enjoyed its descriptiveness and the way it developed. It does need proofreading.
Your use of alternate lines rhyming is okay but usually such a ploy is accompanied by metered verse.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Very nice.
I like the flow in this poem. The rhyme is also well done though it is slightly loose rhyme a couple of times. There is a charm about this poem and a graceful and light tone that makes it very pleasurable to read.
Good Luck in the contest! ~ Joyce
PS.
Suggestions:
After "greens to grey" you need a period, I think.
"...set's them on fire" needs to be simply "sets" since it is not a contraction there, but simply a verb.
I am unsure as to why you have an apostrophe after "over their head." Did you want "heads" there?
"Or see the clouds..." to "all in white" seems to have a slightly uneven flow for me.
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A powerful image of those mountains set against a backdrop of a sky both in daylight and by the moon. Their ruggerness and how man keeps attempting to conquer them. Great imagery and, as usual, a different subject to write on. Loved it. Well done...alby
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