Under unmoving white sheets,
Her petite body lies on the bed.
She calls my name.
Her chest aligns with the soundless TV,
The enclosed room heavily darkens.
She smiles. She calls my name again.
A bottle of Barcadi waits on the table,
Her tight-fitted dress sleeps on the carpet.
My sights turn from her to the window,
I open the curtains, we’re hidden several floors up.
I see my parked, pearl white car. I see no walkers,
I see a highway packed with different shaped cars.
I offer no answer to her. I frown and watch the city.
“Come kiss me,” she requests,
She lowers the sheets, her breast ivory.
She picks up and opens a container of ten pills.
“I need water, get me water!” She loudly demands,
I glimpse her face, pretty, and turn towards the door.
She gets out of bed; topless, short. “I’ll get it myself!”
Frustrated I answer, “All you had to do is ask.”
She enters the washroom and shuts the door.
I walk to the hotel room door, “I’m leaving.”
Author notes
The second stanza is more technical, it is used to show that nothing is moving. Words like “no walkers” and “highway packed,” are a few examples of non-movement. Non-movement in this poem is the main function because it displays the current state of their relationship. At this point you are free to interpret the rest as you like, the male character notices that there is no action. Therefore, he leaves the hotel room. The answer to figure out is did he leave the relationship as well?
Let me know what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Sad, but also realistic, i think. Very nice.
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Ya I agree I would of left too, Wow I have the same title in a contest. Thank you for sharing and it was a pleasure to read.
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i would have left too. and stayed gone. unless of course she figured it all out and seriously changed her ways. thank you for sharing this with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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i liked this i dont think he left the relationship i think she did long ago drugs took over were once she had a life with you that both of use were happy then drugs left her beautiful to look at yet empty inside so i think part of you will still stick aro
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I am left wondering
Who she is, why they are even there, and yet why she has such a crappy attitude. But please dont answer these questions, I like being left somewhere waiting! Greaet piece, thanks for sharing
Rae
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This is very well written and captivating but it's sad/somewhat scary to me. I feel bad for the girl whoever she is...and yet at the same time I'm kind of upset with her ATTITUDE. lol Just me though...anyways good write.
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i was about to convey that i felt the second stanza was the highlight and then your notes beat me to it.
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hey oneal
this poem is marvelous poem great write. loved the words described in this poem sorry i havent bein by to read any poems i being going through sumethings but i doing good.
A bottle of Barcadi waits on the table,
Her tight-fitted dress sleeps on the carpet.
My sights turn from her to the window,
I open the curtains, we’re hidden several floors up.
I see my parked, pearl white car. I see no walkers,
I see a highway packed with different shaped cars.
I offer no answer to her. I frown and watch the city.
Great job with this poem n wel written n well expresed fully
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Humm..I find the emotions from the both side open..yet very strangeful as well..an edgy poetry indeed...
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i imagined this well. she seemed like an addidct of some sort and the male was sick of her habit and the entire "still" relationship. i enjoyed this
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Wow... That's terribly sad. It's very well written and obviously is very personal and from the heart. The best poems are and this is a great one... Keep it up... Though, I hope that your next inspiration is a little happier...
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That is the deepest poem I've ever had the pleasure to read. Breathtaking, and very powerful. I love the format, the words, the...everything. Absolutely flawless.
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hmm...this one is the most interesting poem I've ever read I think. There are so many ways to interpret this but I think thats what I like about it. Nicely done!
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Wonderful poem Oneal
glad I had a chance to stop by and do some catching up my friend. Wishing you all the best
_ephiphany_
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excellent piece and I would venture to say he left it all, the feeling was loud and clear, great expression
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Wow. Wonderfully written. I loved how you wrote this so uniquely & how you left it wide-open. Very well worded, as well. I love how it was written almost as a story. Keep up the amazing work
♥
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I agree with Avendesora. You've done well with this work, because it feels empty, unlike your other work on other subjects.
Congratulations though. another great piece of art by a great artist.
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I would say that he did in fact leave the relationship as well...because the whole poem seems like he's looking at things that once excited him and made him happy that just dont anymore
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