Am I falling out of the world?
Or has the world fallen from me?
Am I the only one like this?
Or do others see the truth too?
I don't know where I am at all.
Am I falling out of the world?
The people I once knew have changed
And no one is pure, just tainted
I have lost sight of the lit path
I no longer seem to fit in.
Am I falling out of the world?
I can only see our sad truth.
We have lost ourselves to the world,
And I don't want this shallow life
I want to live not be lived for.
Am I falling out of the world?
A contest entry
- Poetic Form: Quatern - Prompt - Spirit by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended September 14, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Thank you for your entry
I think we can all see how this world is falling more and more into chaos. I would like to see less of the use of first person through out. I understand this poem is about you, but there are ways to write without using first person, and that way you let the reader in, they become a part of your poem. They can relate better.
You followed the form well. Your refrain line was good, and carried well through out the poem. You chose not to rhyme which the form states that it is not necessary, but which makes the weight that the refrain line carries much more important. I think your refrain line was strong, but I feel a better one could have made the poem stronger.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
This was very sad, but well written. The first two lines drew me in and I wanted to see where you would take these questions. In the end you have posed provocative questions and allowed your readers to reach their own conclusions. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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I really liked it. If I am not mistaken, it seems as if someone is living for you. How wonderful to be so highly regarded. Will you please take a look at something of mine? thanks
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