Here I lie
within his arms
peaceful and content
to be here.
You're asleep
after our marthon love making
I can understand that.
However, I am still awake
watching
wondering why it is that I cannot sleep.
I have this habit
have had it for years now
and I cannot seem to stop it
even now.
You see I watch you.
Even now I am watching you.
Watching as you take each breath
in and out.
this gives me comfort
knowing that you are safe within my arms.
You are restless
here let me hold you
touch you
love you
one more time
before the light of day
and we must arise
tend our duties
go our separate ways.
Author notes
I haven't decided if this is really any good or not. I just sat down and wrote it. Sometimes good things come out when I do this sometimes not so good. Please let me know what you think. I will gladly re-write if necessary
Okay, I have edited it. I too was questioning the last two lines. So they are gone now. Thanks for the suggestions. More are always welcomed.
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 Titles by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended September 27, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - within your arms, I feel by Remnant.
430 points, ended February 18, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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How sweet and tender you are, watching your beloved even when he sleeps, counting his breaths
very sweet and caring
Thank you -
such a joy that someone can know what it feels like to be safe and warm and truly want to be where they are.
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So many people feel this way at times... Yet others enjoy the restlessness and enjoy watching their others sleep..
This is beautiful... You've captured deep feeling and I love that.
Thanks for sharing and keep it up.
[[♥]] -
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thank you for your comments on my poem. I really appreciate it.
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Excellent
What a terrific creation for the prompt. So masterfully crafted. best of luck in the contest.
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thanks. I really appreciate your comment on my poem. I am glad that you like it.
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I love this! It was just the last 2 lines that lfet me confused as if there are 2 'he's' in this.
But the rest flowed so naturally to me!
All the best with this.
Gaylene
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the last two lines are gone now. I had to agree with you on that. Wasn't sure. But was waiting to see what others thought.
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This tells the feelings you have of him as he sleeps but the next to the last paragraph seems to run on and on. I like the concept of it, maybe you could change the wording somewhat.
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thanks for the comments. I'll see what I can do.
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I don't know about the ending... is it religious? If so, it was sprung on the reader at the last moment.
Mike -
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The ending last two lines have been deleted. To many people commented on them not being quite right for the poem. Thanks for helping me out.
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