it pinched its way out like a pimple
through the frostiest spots of skin
and i shuddered at the surprise in his name, letter by letter,
the way a six-year-old reads her first poem -
until it started to rhyme with my capillaries
again.
the past boiled and rose to the surface,
stale gnocchi with too much paprika on the side.
it made me swallow and vomit migration
until it became a sort of mythology
that my stomach persisted in believing
despite all fossils.
i couldn’t throw it away and i couldn’t give it to someone
else
and i couldn’t pretend the way this envelope mocked me
did not
still hold a bit, just a bit of his eyes.
i dropped it unopened, holy, on the speaker set
and it didn’t help at all
that we are what we have lost, too.
Author notes
Sept. 6, 2008
A contest entry
- we are also what we've lost by jeremiah abel.
600 points, ended October 1, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honesty.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Astounding! I...wow, I'm at a loss of words and that's the worst place a writer can be at but this piece just really takes my breath away in a metaphorical sense. Really, it's good.
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Just wanted to say that this contest and the lines you've used as prompts are beyond awesome! Not sure I will be able to come up with an entry, but I had to stop and ponder the magnitude of the truth to your statements.
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God, this is so good.
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This is an amazing take on the prompt - I love the way you have written so softly about this letter - almost as if to not bring it into memory (or maybe it is just me
) ... I loved the gnocchi part, although stale gnocchi would be awful (which I suppose is the point 
) the ending was perfection! Good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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Blistering, blazing,amazing poetry. Kudos.
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Ah, nothing like the past surprising us with a letter...
very well done. A great ending too.
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That first line...could you HAVE a better simile? I don't think so...
So far, I haven't read a single bad poem yet...and I thank you for continuing this stream of good poems.
"through the most frosty spots of my skin"
I'm kind of wondering why you write "most frosty" when 'frostiest' would be one word and say the same thing...
Maybe I am wrong in thinking it would convey the same meaning (since I didn't write it LoL), but "through the frostiest spots of my skin" (maybe even w/o the 'my') would be better...IMHO.
That second stanza...WOW-age!!
"letter by letter" could use some optional hyphens.
When I was six, I wrote bad poems that were homework assignments.
"until it started to rhyme with my capillaries/again." is so amazing well...I LOVE the uniquity, & the line break for 'again' is just so befitting. Your line breaks are always done well, I've noticed.
"the past boiled and rose to the surface,
stale gnocchi with too much paprika on the side."
Your metaphors are so amazing that I have to copy & paste lines even when I'm not supposed to...
I've probably heard "to the surface" a lot--in prose, in poems...but you've made it unique again, personifying the past & mentioning Italian food...
It's just so quirky, so good, so unique, so YOU!!
LOVE!!!
The idea of vomiting migration...again, really unique & nifty. You convey your emotions so uniquely, so well...
I'm a bit scared of your talent now.
"despite all fossils." That's so sad.
But...such a good line, and all the lines leading up to that.
"still hold a bit"
Conveys an incredible amount of depth.
I feel ad now...LoL
I think you've incorporated the prompt so well it's not even funny (not that this is a humorous poem at all, LoL).
Wow.
Bookmarking.
Jessica
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Wow, thank you so very much for such a detailed and kind comment!!
Yeah, I think that way the second line would be better, though I'm not sure frostiest is a word... my spellchecker says it is, so there Thanks for the suggestion. You really made my day
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Are you going to keep the 'most' in "most frostiest"? My suggestion was just to make it 'frostiest'...not that you have to take my suggestion LoL.
I loved this poem.
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oops. typo. thanks for pointing it out
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No worries
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