They delivered me out of profound darkness,
With the kissing promise of saving light.
The key, they said, was in their mighty hands
Looking up with poignant eyes, I followed.
Put a smile on your face, she said. So I did.
And the burning anguish melted into my soul.
Don’t you dare cry, he said. So I didn’t.
And my tears forever dried up into toxic ashes.
Be good or Dad won’t come home, she said. So I was.
And my heart raced to hear that door open every night.
You don’t know what love it, he said. So I doubted.
And the little I held onto floated away into the clouds.
Go to church and pray and you’ll be fine, she said. So I did.
And resentment built as my God betrayed me time and again.
If you’re unhappy here we’ll send you away, he said. So I lied.
And old recollections of isolation and neglect filled my heart.
No one likes to be around a sad person, she said. So I joked.
And the fool, cloaked in silliness, kept the monsters at bay
Be grateful for what you have, he said. So I tried.
And all the things in the world could not simply hug me.
There are people worse off than you, she said. So I imagined.
And guilt burned like acid through the core of my being.
Straighten up and fly right, he said. So I worked harder.
And hiding behind the scholar was a desperate little girl.
You have nothing to feel bad about, she said. So I stopped feeling.
And the little ones reached out to take my pain for safe keeping.
Anger is not acceptable in this house, he said. So I laughed.
And I ran the razor across my skin to secretly unleash the emerging rage.
You don’t know how good you have it, she said. So I wondered.
And I watched others pass by and wished to share their pain.
I’ll give you something to cry about, he said. So I grit my teeth.
And I so wished he could hear my cries and know what I knew.
I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life, she said. So I cringed.
And I dreamed I was dying a slow torturous death at the hands of loved ones.
Don’t dare talk about family matters to strangers, he said. So I shut up.
And I became numb to myself and the world around me after all.
There’s nothing more that can be done for you, they said. So I believed them.
pic: http://eveofcreation.deviantart.com/art/
Author notes
P a l o s z o o
In a list
- HM's • next in list
- Bronze • next in list
- Abuse • next in list
- Dark • next in list
- Gold • next in list
- Silver • next in list
A contest entry
- In The Mind... by HereComesTheSun.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom, come to me! - - - (Depressive/Sad/Dark) by Ebbing.X.Discreetly.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 57 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heart Wrenching by ChunkyC.
950 points, ended December 23, 2008, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Devastatingly Depressing. by a.changed-soul..
1130 points, ended January 5, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seeping Tears, bleeding Fears by fairytalelovestory.
975 points, ended March 19, 46 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && sometimes maybe i want to cry too by Simply Simple.
900 points, ended July 14, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Relations by Palas Kumar Ray.
800 points, ended September 12, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites, please! by division.
400 points, ended October 28, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Overcome the impossible. by bballer21.
625 points, ends November 25, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prewrite Contest by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1050 points, ended November 22, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Put a smile on your face, she said. So I did.
And the burning anguish melted into my soul.
Don’t you dare cry, he said. So I didn’t.
And my tears forever dried up into toxic ashes.
Damn! Well written. Wow.. it just blew me away. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.
9.3/10
- Blue
beauty
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wow, this is amazing. i loved every single word and i loved the set up. the emotion is soo strong within every line! i loved it. keep on writing and good luck in the contest!
thanks for entering ! (:
~~allie -
Very strong poem. The picture sort of frightened me. ☺☻ Thanks for your entry.
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wow. awesome poem. thank you for entering. God bless.
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This is indeed a very powerful write about relation.Relations are often very contradictorily demanding.We are expected to become this and become that and lastly we end up becoming none at all.We love,we hate and we become numb.Hope there be sunshine for everyone to grow freely from too much of His saying and Her saying.This is almost tailor made and a very promising entry in my contest I hope you all the best.
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top marks
I LIKE THIS ENTRY,IT IS VERY STRONG.GOOD LUCK IN THIS CONTEST AND THANK YOU FOR ENTERING -
good job and good luc
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You don’t know what love it, he said. So I doubted. > is
This is brilliant, beautiful. I really loved this. Thank-you very much for entering this piece into my contest.
Good luck.
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Wow great poem Good luck in the contest
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sorry i don't have time to leave a long comment. i'm rushing to judge this contest. good write. best of luck.
~Tempa~ -
Wow, the pain is just...wow. Great work here! Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
!
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Sad and very fasinating
The Positives:
great story and lots of emotions very relateable
Room For Improvement:
Nothing I can see you did wonderful
My Favorite Part:
You don’t know how good you have it, she said. So I wondered.
And I watched others pass by and wished to share their pain.
I’ll give you something to cry about, he said. So I grit my teeth.
And I so wished he could hear my cries and know what I knew.
i was particularlly drawn to this part
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
LOVED THIS it was over all ahmazing
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This was amazing. So sad and I could feel the pain. I loved it. Thank you for your entry, good luck
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oh wow
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This blew me away. I understand how a lot of that feels but could never put it into words like this.
This is an excellent write, really touching =]
x x x -
i applaud you
Even though I mentioned you'd be walking a fine line if you entered dark poetry in this contest, you entered this anyway. Not only that, but I really like it! Oh it brings so many memories of my life until I turned 18....few of them good - while this brings bad memories into focus again, it's a piece that's real & not written of things repeated by rote. I feel like I got to know you with this write, & I thank you for that.
Thanks for entering & good luck!
~Bright
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"And I became numb to myself and the world around me after all." everything that you wrote about is something i've felt and been told and had to deal with. it was almost hard to read this.... but amazing job. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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This poem is quite the work of art. I loved it, how what they said effected the child in the poem. Wonderful write, thank you for entering my contest
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woaa
this was abosolute astonishing! i loved the repition and f low of the 'she said' 'he said' thing. and it so relateable!! very realistic too, i can really hear the voice of the little girl who just wants some lovin, lol. Totally awesome!
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fantastic
this was amazing but i couldnt go with the whole cutting thing.. its a bit overused
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This was..[ amazing ]
"No one likes to be around a sad person, she said. So I joked.
And the fool, cloaked in silliness, kept the monsters at bay
Be grateful for what you have, he said. So I tried.
And all the things in the world could not simply hug me."
My favorite stanza.
This was brilliant, wonderful imagery.
Thank-You very much for entering.
Best of luck.
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WOW. I'm honored to have won the silver cup. Thank you so much, and congrats to all of the winners in this fine contest!
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Oh my.. I LOVE this poem.. It's absolutely amazing! The form of this is beautiful! I love it. The "So I" repeated over and over and over. It never got old, and I loved each and every line.
*Go to church and pray and you’ll be fine, she said. So I did.
And resentment built as my God betrayed me time and again.*
My mom used to tell me this all the time.. And I used to pray everyday.. Until no one was answering me. I love this line. Wonderful.
*Be grateful for what you have, he said. So I tried.
And all the things in the world could not simply hug me.*
This is beautiful too. I love this. Because even though I have a lot of things.. They don't provide me with the things I truly need.
*I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life, she said. So I cringed.
And I dreamed I was dying a slow torturous death at the hands of loved ones.
Don’t dare talk about family matters to strangers, he said. So I shut up.
And I became numb to myself and the world around me after all.*
And my favorite stanza. These lines.. Are exactly what my mom told me when I came out.. That she was embarassed and not to tell anyone about it. It really ties this poem together. Great job. Wonderful wonderful wonderful. Welcome to the finalist dear
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wow just wow
such an amazing write
i have no negative to say
overall this blew my mind
best read of the contest so far
medal earning
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wow. this is great, it's amazing how parents can treat their kids like this. good luck.
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And my tears forever dried up into toxic ashes.
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thats my favourite line.
but i actually loved this so much.
the storyline is so sad and amazing.
i looved the way you wrote this.
to me it seemed like your parents were defining your life.. and i can really relate at the moment
this was a good poem.
best of luck in the contest
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Thank you so much!!
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Kind of a prose taste to it but I like the interaction here. Well done
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This is so sad... letting your life defined by others. My favorite line was "And guilt burned like acid through the core of my being.". This is a touching piece. Thanks for entering my contest.
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Thank you! And thanks for such a great contest and prompt. I love it!
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Thank you soooo much. I appreciate it!
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great
I loved this. Amazing piece of work.
-JM<3
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