I was sitting in the garden the sun shining down,
When a very "angry wasp" started buzzing around.
He looked at me, i looked at him,
not a chance my Friend i knew he'd win.
So up i jumped heading for the house,
DAD-DAD a wasp! i began to shout.
Well i didn't bargain on a tree being there,
Cried out in pain as it tangled in my hair.
With the wasp on my tail i had to escape,
But i did not see the garden rake.
A very sore foot and a bruised nose,
I then got tangled in the garden hose.
Was i ever to escape this angry wasp!
Was he going to sting me at any cost?
Had to get to the house and shut the door,
Grab the insect spray now this was war.
One final leap and i was there,
But i then fell over the garden chair.
Finally inside i slammed the door,
But as i reached for the spray
there buzzed four more!!!!!!!
Author notes
The best of AP
A contest entry
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600 points, ended September 23, 2008, 54 entries
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another poem i wrote for my kids so would just like to know what you think plzzzz.
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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Hehe! This was really good. I enjoyed reading this. It made me chuckle in some parts. Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
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I like this story told, and yet it was very well structured in words, thank you for this entry
MM
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wow
i really enjoyed reading this best of luck in my cccontest 10/10
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Thank you for entering my "Celebrating poetry and/or poets competition". However, I have to say that I do not see any references to either poetry or poets in this piece. Perhaps you intended it for another competition? I wish you luck with it elsewhere- but for this competition, I have to say "no".
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Thank you for your entry...
Please do not respond in any way to this message until the judging is complete. Thank you.
Oh..ouch! How we all hate wasps! Yet perhaps, in this instance, one sting would have been preferable to the littany of bruises you ended up with! Thank you for sharing this little episode with us.
This is how you scored:
Laugh-o-meter: 6.5/10
Spelling/grammar: 5/10
If you begin your poem with a capital 'I', then really you should continue on with it throughout.
'not a chance my Friend (friend) I knew he'd win.'
Flow: 6/10
Rhyme (if applicable): 7/10
Total score: 24.5/40
Many thanks for taking the time to enter this contest, and best of luck!
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haaa this is very funny, made me laugh loved it!
good luck, i hope you win!
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lol excellent story Very well done! Thank you so much for sharing and i bet your kids loved it
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I love this! The humor was great. Good luck Rose
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awesome
i love it! this poem is creative, funny and adventurous. great imagry, i could picture the scenes as the poem played out in my head. the flow is perfect and so easy to follow. nice twist at the end! best of luck in the contest!
~haunted~
xx
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such a fun write like an animation of murphy's law.
I like how you met... how he looked at you and you looked at him and you knew you'd lost...your heart? lol those lines could just as well describe a love at first sight kind of scenario. even the setting was perfect- the garden, with the sun shining down...
The rhyme flows nice and smooth and enhances the whole experience of living through the ordeal with you.
good work
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ha ha oh my gosh this was a fun advenutre reading this poem..i could see it all clearly in my head and had that whole, having to read really fast thing happening to get to the end to find out what happened..good luck in the contest.
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This poem is great!!!!!
Best wishes in the contest
Magikal Fairy Poet!
6 Clappys for you.
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Oy lol. Nice write. Best of luck in the contests
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thankyou
thank you to every one for your wonderfull and inspiring comments.
stay happy always xxxxx -
lol oh dear shudder; you're sending shivers down my spine nwo with the very thought of it! wasps & bees = evil, lol.
nice job on this, i'm sure that magikal will love it!! -
lol
This is so awesome,I can imagine the whole thing happerning great write.
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SO cute!
Omg! This is ADORABLE! I love it!
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Well done... capturing the whole way through.
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I laughed all the way through this a nice easy read good rhythm nice himagry and a huge laugh thans littlefishone
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Good! A cute story. Reminds me of how my son has always been so afraid and (now that he's older) 'pissed off' at bugs. Also, reminds me of how clutzy my husband can be, lol.
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This made me chuckle. I have to say, good work!
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Awwwwww!!! This was so cute and enjoyable. I love it so much and every word made me picture what was happining.
These lines were very cute:
"Was i ever to escape this angry wasp!
Was he going to sting me at any cost?
Had to get to the house and shut the door,
Grab the insect spray now this was war.
One final leap and i was there,
But i then fell over the garden chair.
Finally inside i slammed the door,
But as i reached for the spray
there buzzed four more!!!!!!!"
I think it is such a great subject to write about, so beautiful.
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Omg omg.... i love it how cut and verry creative i must say... i could see it in my mind!! i love it u did verrry well!
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I really enjoyed this .. it made me laugh
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HAHA. I love the ending! Great puncher! Sounds like an old folk poem or something. The image of it just sticks in my head, it's so well written like that. I can just SEE what's happened. Great work!
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ahhh i loved this one!!!!!
reminds me of a few childhood memories!!!
great write!!!
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Ahhh..slapstick comedy in poetic form!! This was a great story, amusing with a little twist at the end. The flow is GREAT, the rhyme is natural. "their" in the last line should be "there."
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I can picture the whole entire scene in my head! It is too funny! Great flow. Thanks for the entry!
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Last line, their = There.
Think your kids would love this!
It tickled me!
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thankyou for pointing that out to me
and thank you for your comment
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Awww this made me smile
It's really cute, and flows well
It made me smile which is always a bonus
Thankyou for letting this poem brighten my day
xxx
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