That night without you,
those cursed gods of circumstance
chased the moon
and killed the stars
then stole the song
from the nightingale.
The soft white linen
on our bed
became like hessian to my skin,
and perfumed lilies you had brought
wilted in the moonless night.
The dark was like eternity
of breathless air and solitude,
and in the dying hours of night
I sighed your name a thousand times.
A contest entry
- a night without you.... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended September 13, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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It is alway a pleasure to return a favour I know that when i click on your name that my pleasure will be more than satisfied,I have said before there are few poets here who have your ability to weave words into such breath taking pieces
Excellent
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Oh this would make anybody sigh, the images you conjure in this are so soft and beautiful. Loved this.
C
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absolutely brilliant Di.....
but it hits too close to home to comment more....you bring tears to my eyes so easily....
So well-done..... Bravo....
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What lush and languid pictures you conjure up, and how my heart aches. This is beautiful.
Sincerely,
Camille Morin -
Where is my Island Girl?
In soggy ol England I fear.
What a sad and beautiful write my dear friend.
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wow this is super!! I really love the wording in this piece!! All three stanzas are excellent!! I especially like the first and second one!!! Great job!! I love it!!
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Beautiful!!! This touches deeply! I know the feelings you speak of, and know them well. You did a great job on this one! showing what the heart feels when one is gone, be it just over night, or for an eternity.
Best of luck in this contest!
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AWESOOOOMEEE !!
I ADORE IT ! KEEP IT UP ..
(//_*)(^_^) -
Beautiful from picture to words...
Candlelit words picked like petals from a beautiful rose. Sort of like, "I left a light on for you in my heart so you could see my love for you still shines."
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This is beautiful and very well written. You have a wonderful way with words, best of luck in the contest. ^_^
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Chilling
I am speechless. I love this style of writing, mostly because I use similar imagery and prose. It is great to see other Poets utilizing this style so effectively. Great Great write!
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This description itself is the eternal relationship..I love it..well done..and my thanks for sharing it..and entering my contest....
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Hey now! My heritage hails from Hesse.My maiden name (Blaurock) means the blue coats worn by the Hessians.Yes,I'm a wild hessy. Ha! Too funny that the term roots from that district of documented warriors. This piece speaks in a voice of well versed knowledge of lose and lonely without someone cherished. Goes to the heart and wrenches it into bits! Very nice work Poetess.
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A beautiful and moving write, most well done my friend,
(You/your? (last line)) I love the imagery, it conjurs the romantic life, and the parting there of. A very melancholley and moving write!
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Perfect!
One night was like eternity
of breathless air and solitude,
and in the dying hours of night
I sighed you name a thousand times.
~
Sigh...
~Sonja~
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Lovely
I love this part, it spoke words to my soul. and moved me
One night was like eternity
of breathless air and solitude,
and in the dying hours of night
I sighed your name a thousand times.
Well writtenRend The veil
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JUST BEAUTIFUL!!!
It is truly so lonely when your special person leaves for a while, such empty feelings in your heart
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Great piece!
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those cursed gods of circumstance
chased the moon
and killed the stars
then stole the song
from the nightingale.
I totally love this stanza. Wonderfully penned! Good luck in the contest! -
A nice romantic tone to this. You are really missig this person!
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