Tomorrows

Dear Angelboy,

Tomorrow I'll want a phonecall, not a letter and a hug, not a memory. Tomorrow I'll want two o'clocks at iceland and hours wasted in the hub, butterfly kisses and dontleaveme's. Tomorrow I'll want those haunting eyes and that forced smile, the highs and the lows and the godidontknow's. It's like breathing and wishing you weren't. If I had a choice I would run until it was okay to stop. But it will never be okay to stop.

Tomorrow I'll want an emotion, not a thought and a friend, not a ghost. Tomorrow I'll want dancing lessons under the bandstand and clinging to my phone like it's breathing for me. It's like not being able to remember your life or who you are and not knowing what you've lost because you can't remember. But I will never remember.

Tomorrow I'll want to hear the smile in your voice and feel at home in your arms. It's like feeling trapped by fate because tomorrow isn't today.

But today, today I'm okay being numb...