placement
last night
I watched you
press your body
into corners like clay
boxing me in
to pull splinters from my hands
and dust from
my skeletal form.
I love the way your fingers forked
tangled with mine
curving like roadways
as I searched
for the gold
beneath your nails
because
you clung to
vicious skin
for years
but just kept slipping
don't take
my abdomen
and sculpt it
to match your face,
all I want
is to feel you radiate
beneath me
like a subtle heater
as I speak
to your organs
in organic language
causing your body to twist
into letters
and the map
on your naked back
leads me to
a chain of mountains
that resemble
christ burning-
it's the way
your skin turns pink
when I close my eyes
and bear down on you
like hail
ravishing a drought
with the beating
of a thousand fists
that will all
come to melt
and pool beneath my eyes
in dark circles
I can't sleep
without your hand on my waist
tracing my hipbones
like they are the essence
of human figure,
with you
my eyes align like planets
and focus
on the tick of your watch
or the eyelash
resting
on your cheekbone;
you can wish upon
the currents
wish upon a malignant star
yet cannot create
a perfect life
where the sky splits
like wood
subjecting us to color
whenever we choose
we had to work
to digress
into understanding creatures
forget legends
and ring church bells
across the state
to seek each other out.
and now when
I see your face I can't help
but falter;
to me
you are compiled of feathers
and I could curl up
on cannibal nights
with the rise and fall
of your chest
and claim
to sleep forever
Author notes
i love my baby darcy. who knows if anyone could do her justice.
A contest entry
- 10001 reasons to write like Onerios13 by MuddyKing.
10001 points, ended October 1, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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hell I knew you were under Darcy's shirt-tail the first poem I read by you. She wouldn't Cap the I's either...lol
like Nic's God
you know the one thing I get from your poetry is a pace...almost like the movie Speed...it grabs you and you can't let go
I know this contest made you lose your cookies for a bit, but I just gotta say
never change...you got tons to say and write
excellent
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I second the motion on "Darcilicious!"
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it's interesting how deep a love reveals iself in poetry when an inspired piece leaves the reader knowing that the poet has but scratched the surface of their affection. - silverfish
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an intriguing and thoroughly intense piece of work here! I enjoy your talent for word artistry and I
am never ever bored when I read your poetry. Love, Lane
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Does she pay you to be this adamently in love with her? It's almost skerry ya know. lol But yeah, you've definitely got the darcy vibe going on in this piece. Be a little more obscure and non-sensical and you'd basically be her alter ego!
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alright.
this is a jaw-dropper.
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malignand star
vivid and haunting
and maybe uncomfortably close, which is why i like it so much
this is really beautiful. i don't know what to say.
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But of course
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But of course
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=0
♥♥♥
wow. So much powerrr. Its like mountains, you are amazing. This is very earthy. i will come baaaack<3.xo.
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Darcilicious!
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I think she will love you without a doubt.
Love, C
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If she doesn't love this; she doesn't deserve you, lol.
This is good, damn good.
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This is justice.
And crime for being so...
effing...
good.
You know I mean it
Jessica
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and the map
on your naked back
leads me to
a chain of mountains
that resemble
christ burning-
you had a ton of new imagery in this one. the only critiquing i can do is say that i don't really like the wishing upon things, but other than that, i really like this piece a lot.
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In the house.
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nice and toasty
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i don't understand how you keep coming out with imagery that brilliant each and every time
it's almost inhuman
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LOL!
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i wouldn't know the difference between you and darcy-
(i mean, except for the man package)
and that m'dear is a compliment
m
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hahahahah i call bullshit, stylistically we can be similar but there is a definite difference in our writing. maybe that just proves you've gotta be around more mary
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there are striking similarities
and the similarities are striking
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lol and that's an amazing compliment in my direction. thank you.
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amazing.
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i'm sorry i suck :C
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i loveeeee this. You so have done darcy proud.This was really great, flows off the tongue like honey when said aloud.
yo lo adoro! Y tu tambien!
meg
`
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me gusta mi amor
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wow, the changes are soooo amazing. falter is the perfect word there. you did nothing but improve the last stanza. i didn't see changes in the other two, i hope i didn't miss any.
yet cannot create
a perfect life
where the sky splits
like wood
subjecting us to color
whenever we choose
i remember when i read those the first time. i was so impressed. i still love them. this is a great poem. -
as I speak
to your organs
in organic language
causing your body to twist
into letters
This piece sounds strangely familiar...lmao.
Baby, if you can't do me justice, then I don't know who the hell can. This was lovely, rich and filled with imagery that sang and clapped like new borns and I am so honored, so very honored that I can only say...thank you. And I lubs you...
Yeah, this one will have a special spot in my heart.
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X 10000000
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You accomplished her but remained you
And that in and of itself is fantastic!!!
You rock socks baby
♥Becky♥
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thanks so much becky baby
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this does resemble her writing... well i read a few of her stuff to know that.
"I love the way your fingers forked
tangled with mine"--- people before you said/shown this image ... and they were such cliche... so unlike you. i was really impressed. i loves you
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thank you baby, i loveth you. i really wanted to capture her essence but maintain my own voice. i love her. i love you!
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OMG. I THINK I JUST PISSED MYSELF.
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bb i clean u'z up okai
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