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where we go around

 

How odd to have faith in a circle
Open enough to uncrowd us.

Impatient, this thing we inhabit.
The steady going onward, a magnitude and general

Thought comes across no homeland.
When I step to the start of it all

I might find you and stretch out
The little of me that is strong

Toward winding up. In view of the fact
Our journey here began from one foundation,

The undermind of lineage, far away back there,
From there where roots still keep

And watch. What I desire now
Is how we stirred as nothing ever dreamt

Before. The wordless weight; my breath

Inside your heat, the interweave of limbs

Revolved around each other
As if we fit collectively. Our hands

Within a steeple, tangled close and looking
For familiar ground. A waterway of song

Getting used to beauty as the last position
Left for those who've struggled hard, as if

Caught in this difficult posture
,
No longer lost and lingering in leaves,

We cannot come apart.

 

 

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Comments

1 - 31 of 31
  • pocket pixie gold member
    March 31

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    I like your circle
    it exists without boundaries
    really, this is as beautiful a poem as I have read in a long time.

    if I believed in religion, I would want it to exist like this.


  • notorious
    November 11, 2008

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    god that's awesome.

    "Within a steeple, tangled close and looking
    For familiar ground. A waterway of song"
    ♥ed...how.gorgeous.

    "lingering in leaves"
    Oh, me gusta this a LOT...it's semi-alliterative, but I don't think it was intentional. It's just good.



    Jessica


  • JazzALTernative silver member
    November 8, 2008

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    The poem opens up with our current condition, at first going beyond imaginary circle of mind, but then winds up going inward. It speaks of creation - thought before the word was spoken - double negative of imaginary. Limbs are intertwined in the seed, the word, the complex thought wound into a point. It seems like a love poem 2/3's through, but this is inevitable.


  • myrataal gold member
    November 5, 2008

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    Once touched ...

    the circle softly vibrates its memory; then revibrates forgetfulness. And then there is no inside-outside anymore. And all is new.



    Hallo, Liza.
    Love
    Myra


  • jantastic gold member
    September 16, 2008

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    okay I'm not really commenting yet... except to say the caps at the beginning of the lines threw me...

    I will comment, another time, promise... maybe



  • IronIcecream
    September 10, 2008

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    when we go around
    we grow in circles
    catching our own tails
    rumors replace rumors
    only murmurs stay
    same
    indecipherable


  • Love of a Bullet
    September 8, 2008

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    I understand this emotion well, a little too well as it turns out. I may be a bit seasonal in my decorations, but this one's going on the wall for a bit.

    ~Das

  • Birchwood
    September 7, 2008

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    This sounds more like a love poem than others I've read of yours. A subtle and sensitive one. I love the feel it leaves me with, and the allusion to circles .. coming round and round and back on ourselves again.

  • grm
    September 6, 2008

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    how neat that un-apart bit of philosophy. it is to envy.

    each morning i have to scrabble around to find and gather all the loose bits of me, and i wonder if the ones that rolled under the bed that i couldn't reach make all that much difference in the whole scheme of me.

    ah well...those vacant spots leave space for something else to fill them, i suppose. lol
    i imagine it's just another facet of personal evolution.



  • Cat gold member
    September 6, 2008

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    there is no more hiding
    or watching over your shoulder

    your strength is your own to do with as you deem reasonable- your life is yours to live
    and love with
    the last line- yes. that.


    m


  • B2oH
    September 6, 2008

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    Faith in a circle....this orbit orbit of this Earth that encompasses all that we know. Faith that it shall hold us tightly even though we spin through the darkest space and yet...open enough to uncrowd us. Though, even this imagery has a depth that transcends a mere physicality of location....and could, as well, indicate the cycle of just being....or the circle of family....et cetera.

    This reads so damned well on multiple levels - humanity...family....self. All that matters is where one focuses one's eyes when receiving the imagery of your words...the connections plastered across the entire mass of the brain's neurons.....for this is a broad swath of of brush -- with which you paint. And yet....the smallest of details are told to those who would listen.

    The final line - yes..."we cannot come apart"...for we have tangled too together in this journey.

    This is beautiful Liza. And a Truth. And Humanity. And a journey yet to be completed, as long as the circle holds.

    As we have discussed..I cannot critique a voice that spins stories I love to hear....it would be akin to telling the sky I do not like her clouds. And so, I shall simply say "thank you" for this story.


  • EvilKate
    September 6, 2008

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    Leave it - no more edits. We understand this place eh? - and at least there is always that.



    Beautiful weaving here.


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    September 6, 2008

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    I see this akin to a painting, perhaps of a relationship, abstract two of one together, I should like to see you draw this because you remind me of someone looking at a painting and seeing deep behind its abstraction into the heart of what a painter saw. I like it's subtle sensual nature and unobtrusive observations of life, a looking glass perhaps looking at yourself and seeing the finer and maybe to some the petty points of it yet to you they are the invisible things that bind us together like glue. C


  • apples fell
    September 6, 2008

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    A journey here, which I know I always say around you...But I honestly believe you are taking us on a journey when you write, so I make sure I say that, even if it gets repetitious. And you even used the word "journey" in there...Go figure. It seems like resting part way between the past and what we knew, compared to what we will learn...If we look harder. To follow suit with everyone else, yes, this certainly has a soft sound to it and a smooth way of completing ideas, so that we do not come apart. But I actually had another thought floating around in my head while I read this...How we come to expect things from a situation and how sometimes reliance can be an ugly thing...I get that from the second, third and fourth piece, from the top. Now though this has a hopeful vibe in places, there were times when I thought it was almost mockingly pointing at yourself...Like, "Yes, I know this might not work, but you know, I have never been one for standing around and waiting". There is also a little bit of desire in here, though that is almost in everything nowadays, if we look hard enough.

    I found the piece quite solid and I don't think I found anything that could be changed...But perhaps on future reads.

    ;


  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 6, 2008

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    no, we cannot come apart - no matter what happens
    this circle is just fine and dandy to me, however misshapen and undone it gets.. its the passage of time and how long is a piece of string anyways??
    i'll hold on and take a ride on the circle of this life
    yes please


    and Liza - THANKYOU - You know


  • CaliOkie silver member
    September 6, 2008

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    Stunning. What a fantastic write. Let me just say it:
    "you are the bomb." I love it.

    Garrison


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    loved the circle that is "open enough"... i've always believed that we should draw circles that don't shut out but rather enclose in that "open enough" way.

    beautiful poetry...such a soft voice here, such certainty... that sense of belonging where everything begins and ends.

    ~ Nicolette

  • Yemassee silver member
    September 5, 2008
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    I think ignorance is indeed bliss...in relationships. One thinker and one doer creates hell. Two thinkers create chaos. Two doers, well things may be no better, but they don't know it, so all is fine. You are a thinker...I'm a...I'm a Yem.

    Please accept an, "I'm sorry" if it is applicable. And if it isn't, save it, sell it to someone who needs it.

    Critical suggestion? Not my job. I read, interpret (hopefully enjoy) and move on. When I get my degree in opinionated snobbery I'll be back to offer my critical appraisal.




    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      September 5, 2008

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      first let me put the "I'm sorry" in a [_]
      there.. ( I wonder how many of those I have now?? )

      As for relationships ..it's probably one of the places where that opposites attract thing really works.. Two thinkers get nothing done, two doers never think, and you know how the rest of that goes.. lol .. it winds up hell, but what would we do without that? I mean if it weren't for the contradiction between people, and the difference what would we ever learn?

      the critical suggestion line is there for those who have one, or want to, it's not my strong point either.. though every now and then I do come up with the odd thing..

      and more than once someone has left me something that was useful so I'd like the chance to get it which is why that line is there.. as I mistakenly thought people knew I was open to it and recently found out I was wrong..

      darn assumptions, them things are dangerous they is ..

      • Yemassee silver member
        September 5, 2008

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        Just ignore me, it's Friday, my ignorant blabbing night.

        I've had enough of opposites attracting. I want nice, boring, comfortability.

        "Pass me the Moxie will you dear?"
        "Why yes, of course I will...shall we watch the paint dry?"
        "That sounds fabulous honey, You were so right to paint it beige."
        "Thank you dear, it matches our eyes, our passion."

        Yep, any single paint gals out there? See what I mean...Friday.

  • Adios Muchachos gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    LIZA

    I'm leaving this knowing it is wrong to do, but too, that you, you might not get mad.
    I liked your poem here. My favorite words, "as if".

    http://allpoetry.com/poem/727710

    John-Nevada-USA


  • MoJu
    September 5, 2008

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    Always always so beautiful. You set up such images and put the power back into simple phrases. God, you have a gift.

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    "A waterway of song"

    that is gorgeous...I feel such a connection of two in this poem...

    also, I love "What I desire now
    Is how we stirred as nothing ever dreamt
    Before."

    and "breath inside your heat"

    there are so many noteworthy lines in this poem - beautiful poetry, I'll just leave it at that..lol


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    It sounds to me like that strength of yours is underestimated.

    Beautiful and real... all of it.


  • Rowan gold member
    September 5, 2008
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    Don't change a thing...
    wow.


  • Jersene gold member
    September 5, 2008
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    this is beautifully penned


  • Suzanne Dia silver member
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If this is how your world revolves
    I want a ride on your carousel.

1 - 31 of 31