One day a boy became obsessive about Hitler
Two Days later he became obsessive about death
Three Days later he became Emo As a joke huge mistake
he starts turning the one thing he vowed not to become
the one thing that started to destroy him from inside out
A boy’s life is ruined
The one thing that will make him destroy what he has fought for
Lost the love of his family, lost all respect for the one the thing he cared about, lost for Words, Waking up in the middle of night with cold sweat running down his back because the way that this boy as acted the night before with all of his problems running through his mind like a jet going supersonic,
A boy’s life is ruined
With the guilt bearing down on him that man has brought on him, The Day he fell in love with his ever first girlfriend he thought that was the best ever thing that was going to happen to him but he was wrong about that girl had broken his heart and made him feel like that his life was not live able, He managed to live through the white lie that had been created for him so he can go on living his life, when he stands and looks at nothing he sees pain and death when he looks at the clouds he swears that he sees a gun pointing at the back of the head ready to go off.
A contest entry
- CONTESTS ARE AWESOME :D by sidereal.
525 points, ended September 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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wow from the first word to the last this was a really good piece
great write -
i like this one a lot more! im glad you decided tomake it longer. =]
one of my favorite parts is the very last part; "when he looks at the clouds he swears that he sees a gun pointing at the back of his head ready to go off" just plain incredible.
advice: just keep working on flow and punctuation
other than that, i absolutely love it hun. =]
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this would flow a lot better if you seperated it into stanzas/lines.
however the emotions were very strong, but sometimes you didn't use punctuation which also disrupted the flow
thanks for entering and goodluck -
Sounds like this is an experience you've gone through.
Whatever that white lie is, I hope things work out well in truth rather than pain.
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