I’ll dance tonight,
tango with this storm,
swept away by strong arms
like those that stir within my body,
devouring the weak;
Pulled towards slivered light
the cruel Zephyr will snuff it out,
as candles after a child’s wish;
and together we'll chase lovers away
while they waltz heart to heart
imagining the moon;
The rain mercifully hides my tears,
which sprays from decks
where sailors pray;
groping walls tonight,
I’ll hear chilling whispers
down darkened halls,
as prisoner of the wind
locked within its tenuous grip,
like struggling ship
and coastal town;
Tonight I will be the dread
of painted houses
shaking on sandy beds;
how I long for the laugh of babies
as I rush gently between their toes;
or carry weary soldiers home to
tables laden with delicious fare;
I will tango tonight,
weep for what I will cause,
tomorrow may I mirror
sleepy sail boats and splashing friends;
For now I am part of the storm,
tomorrow I will gladly lap the shore;
and for those I have destroyed
may I at least become their calm.
Author notes
I have become one with the storms in my life, as the ocean a prisoner of the wind but my heart is like the ocean to be that calm< bring joy and laughter not destruction!
A contest entry
- Pic Prompt Yay!! COME SEE!!! by BeautifullyBroken42.
450 points, ended September 8, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Oh I'm sorry um well you didn't follow the rules and so I have to DQ this poem. It was a good write though. I'm sorry I have to DQ it. But I will say my favorite part:
The rain mercifully hides my tears,
which sprays from decks
where sailors pray;
groping walls tonight,
I’ll hear chilling whispers
down darkened halls,
as prisoner of the wind
locked within its tenuous grip,
like struggling ship
and coastal town;
*Sorry again*
~Ruth~ -
For now I am part of the storm,
tomorrow I will gladly lap the shore;
and for those I have destroyed
may I at least become their calm.
I’ll hear chilling whispers
down darkened halls,
as prisoner of the wind
locked within its tenuous grip,
like struggling ship
and coastal town;
they are some strong stanzas.. which I liked alott.. it's so nice.. though you have made a good imaginative background..
there are some weak points as well.. where your thoughts were found broken..
but afterall it's nice one.. I can say . that you can improve a bit it .
by
The poet of hearts and beautiful words
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Well, I like the poem, a lot. I like the concept, a lot. And I love, love, love the imagery. But as this is a "critical reviews" poem, I'll note the little things here.
There are a couple times when it seems like you're kind of trying to rhyme, then it fades away. It leaves me desperate for a rhythm or pattern I just can't find.
I personally think it's a bit wordy in a couple areas. Just my oppinion. I think by editing a few little things, it would feel more like poetry and less like prose.
Overall, great work. Keep writing!
Fanci
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I like this poem alot, It flows great and it tells a story about the storms that you have been through.
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Awesome write. A great way to show that you have faced your storms and come through.Written with such a great flow.
1 - 5 of 5





