Image Credit: Castles In The Sand by Steve Hanks
My eyes absorb the way he works,
his guidance taught with father's charm
lighting the smile of youth I see;
hands molding, sifting sand in time.
His guidance taught with father's charm
love blooms in subtle, tender ways
catering dreams and wishes made
with lessons from the love in him.
Lighting the smile of youth I see
eyes tender with adoring light
take in his lessons chimed through love
innocent as her yearn to know.
Hands molding, sifting sand in time;
days turn and then abbreviate
the passing sunsets as they come -
his child who grows and makes her way.
In a list
A contest entry
- Retourne to Form by Age of Rain.
1175 points, ended September 21, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Sand castles or pots? This sounds like a tribute to the Father who molds all. It was wonderful.
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Thank you again. Observation is a key player in the poem. Watching, I saw so much in teaching as well as enveloping the lesson with tender love.
Thank you for taking the time to read. This one is quite dear to me. ~Pamela
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! BEAUTIFUL! The images and emotions that flow through this piece are absolutely stunning. They touch the heart and echo in the mind. Best of luck!
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Thank you so much for your most kind words and the honor of gold in your contest. I am truly thrilled as this piece holds a very special place with me. Thank you so much.
Retourne is one of my favorite forms. ~Pamela 
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This is a lovely retourne. Nicely done. Nothing better then spending the day making sandcastles on a beautiful beach. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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I see in this piece the willingness of adults to let the child learn by doing but also to let that child know there is much love and trust to fall back on. I don't know much about the form so can't give any editorial assistance on that front but to me as it stands its rich in imagery and sentimental emotion.
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Well, to me this touched me deeply because it was something I never had....a Father showing me love, and then becoming a Grandfather who showed my children love...That is what I saw in your poem but I may be totally wrong....As I read it, that is the picture it painted in my mind...Whatever the case it is a beautiful poem and I feel that poetry can be interpreted however the reader wishes and the meaning behind it does not always have to be revealed, but left to remain in the poet's heart
Lynda
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oh.. this made me think of sitting on the shore making drip castles with my mom... and as i read your poem, i thought about how those castles are washed away... only to be made anew the next year we go to the beach... (ya... some of us dont live on the beach)
beautiful write
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I see something deeply spiritually in this poem ...
and much as the child is brought to understand the fleetingness of sandcastles, we are taught by God that some castles we should give to the time and tide ... even though the building thereof may be momentarily and a joy ...
The repetition of the form worked well.
Love to you, Poetess!
Myra
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Pamela, I do like this poem, but I am still having trouble orienting myself throughout it. Maybe that is because I saw the first draft, or because I am looking at a picture of a child at the top of the page. I still found it hard to grasp that when I read this...
"My eyes absorb the way he works,
his guidance taught with father's charm
lighting the smile of youth I see"
... I was reading solely about the way the father taught the little girl, and the transition to "her" by the end of the poem required a mental leap. Maybe - in my prosaic mind - I can't give up the idea that the father should be teaching sandcastle-building, not guidance. Oh I don't know - please feel free to ignore me as a dullard! I like the poem, despite my difficulties.
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A lovely piece, very well done, my best wishes always.
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Beautiful in form and content.
Many smiles for you my friend.
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thank you, sweet lady...
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You are definitely a master of this form! Excellent penning my friend!
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