The crimson paint was chipped and faded
The doors creaked open revealing an endless abyss
The rustling of a paper moved around the shadow
There was laughter pretending to be light
Hope had faded like the paint
Black resting comfortably around the straw
Now there was silence
Only the sound of blue falling to the ground
The barns heart stopped beating
The darkness creeping around it
But the barn didn't care
It wanted to be taken
But it hesitated, knowing it had to be strong
It was forever stained by the white sploch
The only thing keeping the barn up
foot steps sounded, fleeing in the distance
Crimson tears following close behind
A contest entry
- A Few Words I'm Sick of Seeing: by Exit-Stage-Right.
1050 points, ended September 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Prompt I was given in creative writing class. Message me if you want to know what it was
Comments
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Fadle, now there’s a new one. (I see you fixed that since I wrote these comments!) Still, "Splotch" gets a “t” though. You'd want to check your possessive nouns for apostrophes as well. Perhaps your personification has run amok with with the barn “wanting”, “hesitating” and standing there with its “heart beating”. That’s “personifiction” not personification! (OK, I liked it in spite of my critiqueyness!)
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