Texas Jack Bodine was thirty year old
when a honkin’ big error he did make.
Ridin’ bulls in Midland, he felt most bold
and tried to lasso the ninety ounce steak.
Jack glared at his foe, then gave it a poke,
launched an attack of ravenous strokes.
On ounce fifty-one he started to choke,
turned a bluish hue, then fainted; poor bloke.
Now listen up y’all, and do as yer told:
If e’er in Midland, avoid that mistake.
Don’t pull a Jack Bodine; know when to fold.
For few can conquer the ninety ounce steak.
Author notes
Went through a bout of writer's block for the last couple weeks.. still think I'm in it, but I got this out, anyway.
I've looked, and I think my style is pretty unique. It should be as follows:
abab cccc abab
It's also written in pentameter, but I doubt it's iambic, nor pure pentameter.
Thanks to sassykitty for some very helpful suggestions and dame de la riviere for her proofreading.
Enjoy!
Oh, almost forgot: the inspiration for this comes from the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, Texas. They have a 72-ounce steak that is free if you can eat it and the accompanying sides in an hour or less. This is completely fictional, so please do not sue me, Big Texan Steak Ranch.
Whatcha think?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Nice job. I liked this alot. I used to eat big steaks, now I prefer a small good cut, there is room for other stuff.
I enjoyed this.
Mike
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Thanks so much for reading, commenting, and the clappy dudes.
Glad you liked it!
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Okay, first I have to say YEEEHAW, I loved it. It reminds me of Denis Leary in his standup "No Cure for Cancer, " when he says, I'll eat what I can, and ride the rest home
.
It also reminds me of my tenure as a sophisticated steakhouse waitress, in Winnie Texas. I worked at a world famous restaurant called Al-T's.
MMMMmmm, mmm, good food there, I tell ya!
Anyway, one of my tables of truck drivers (I told you, fannncy
, says they were there to see the food and eat the waitresses. . . I'll leave it at that, because hellyes it get's worse.
You made me homesick, and want to eat beef, which I gave up years ago.
Two thumbs up, this is wonderful. Full of attitude unmatched anywhere but Texas.
Fabulous,
Jin
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Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it
As far as fancy dinin' establishments.. usually, the more rundown looking they are, the better the food.. especially in the South
Thanks again, especially for the clappy dudes!
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Well done; I liked this (not that my opinion is the one that matters.)
I was amused by the style and topic and, unlike a lot of poems I begin to read on here, I read it all the way through.
Nice write,
I hope you get over your writers block soon
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I'm visiting your stuff and will do the same.
Thanks for the clappy dudes, too!
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The very idea of eating that much food let alone something as rich as steak makes my stomach hurt. Well done indeed.
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Thanks so much for the comment and clappy dudes!
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Have a bit more time now so I'll throw out my thoughts. I'm going to preface this by saying I like the poem a lot and think it's quite humorous and entertaining and the rhyme scheme worked well. With that in mind...
I like the rhyming through the whole piece (as stated) my only minor qualm was line 2 where the word should really have been "made" and you changed it to "did make" to fit the rhyme. It's a very minor issue and the rhyming in the poem is better than most I've read so it does not really detract much if at all. It's just something that if you can come up with an alternative might be worth considering.
I personally usually avoid working with syllables on humorous poems and focus on the "beat" of the poem as I find counting syllables sometimes leaves me with a rhythm that does not feel quite as smooth.
Just my thoughts. I enjoyed the piece a lot.
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I hear what you're saying on that second line. I wasn't crazy about it, either. Jaycobkay hit the nail on the head though: I thought it fit the overall theme I was shooting for, so I left it alone.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I really respect you and your writing, and it's very helpful getting pointers from someone with more talent than myself. -
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Reading it through again I can see what you mean about it fitting the theme.
As for your sentiments, I appreciate them, though I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. I believe we each have our own ways and styles of expressing ourselves, but I don't believe I'm any more talented than you. I couldn't do what you do with a haiku, that's for sure, and while I've had far more practice with rhyming, you certainly are no slouch. -
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I respectfully disagree with your respectful disagreement!
(Thanks, btw)
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Personally, I thought the "did make" added to the poem, giving it more of an old western feel in the first verse.
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LOL!
That's cool!!
Love it!!
As for pemntameter? I diunno what that means, but sure you hit it anyway.
I find things like that too restrictive.....
(if you gonna give me 'clappydudes' can you go to my poem- the meaning of life??) -
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Thanks for the comment. I'm currently attempting to read that one poem, but I'm a little confused
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Line "On ounce fifty-one he started to choke" made me chuckle..
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Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Nice write. I enjoyed the piece. I'm running out now but would will hopefully take a closer look later.
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Good gracious darlin' who the blazes would wanna eat that much steak in one sittin'! I like the title, it sounds all serious and is coupled wiht this kind of funny poem...many smiles to you. Best o' luck with that writer's block; just keep a pen and paper about ya. Peace, Dannie
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I can put away some steak.. but I seriously doubt I could eat that much all in one go.
Thanks so much for the clappy dudes and your help.
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haha.
very good.
D: writer's block sucks. For writing poetry, I think I'm in it.
It is a pretty unique style; and I give you props for being amazing at making the words rhyme...
Rhyming is my total downfall...
hah. again, nice work! ^^ I really liked it.
stay gold.
-jenn
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Thanks for the comment and clappy dudes, hon.
You're absolutely right in that writer's block sucks. I think I shall summon
to destroy it!
I pity the foo! -
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don't mention it. It was the least I could do for the numerous comments you've given me.
XD hahaha. Mr T!
I think AP should make a smiley for Chuck Norris...that would just be amazing...But I guess Mr. T is good enough, but Chuck Norris owns... haha.XD -
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If there was a Chuck Norris smiley, it would kick all the other smileys in the face and take over AP.
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so very true...
and then we'd have to make sure we wouldn't make Chuck Norris angry...
but, the whole thought of AP getting taken over by Chuck Norris smileys... ...that's great.
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The Star Wars smiley might put up a little bit of a fight, but not for long.
Once it took over, the Chuck Norris smiley would force us all to write poems about the beard.
And we would like it. -
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as much as it pains me to admit it, the star wars one would only last a few seconds before Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks it in the face...
yes. all poems about the beard
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