that bit of breath
you stole
was awkward
a shining moment
waddled across my skin
you laughed
& it was funny
my arctic one,
such love we frolicked
in
Author notes
credit photobucket option 4 30 words
A contest entry
- PIF Quickie Contest!! by Sweet Impatience.
1080 points, ended September 7, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hood-Wink!
I really like the softness of your words, with dreamy imagery...I could read this poem over and over, and with your permission I would love to add it to my Authors page
Beautiful and romantic, it made me sigh, especially in the second and last stanza, sheer delight to read...well done on winning the silver
You have been Hood-Winked by a Poetic Bandit
~Lilac
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I would be honored!
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This a very soft and endearing piece of thought composed within the lines. nice use of imagery and simplistic depth to warm the chill with love's fated light. Well penned!
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well done on such an original take on this prompt hun! Im not sure i would have been able to write on this pic - i really must open more than just my eyes and look into these pics
you laughed
& it was funny
those lines were cute and touching, well the whole poem was but i liked this, perhaps for the same reason that Sepia listed.
Best of luck
~Tasha xo
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The imagery in this poem is wonderful and I think it has the "Ahhhh" factor as I relate the last line to playing in the snow just like playing in love. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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Aww this is lovely hun
Great image too
Best wishes to you
Love Auntie xx
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um, first off and really the reason I had to click: I just had a shower and had some poetic thoughts come through my head about snowstorms.
now I'll actually read this.
I actually really like how the line "was awkward" feels a little awkward to me in here, very cool. I love the verb "waddled" here, awesome.
I do agree with Jessica about the "a shining moment" thing, I'm not sure whether there may be better wording or not. *shrugs* Like it works fine, but it just feels to me like there might be something better? *shrugs again*
"you laughed
& it was funny"
I really like how this could be read both ways that "you" laughed and the situation was funny, or it was funny how "you" laughed.
But I love this.
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a great take on the promt good luck in the contest
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I think you picked up your "lost muse", or you're using it as a bullshit reason so I don't give you a critique...LMAO!! But you claim to like my critique...^^
I liked the entire thing, if I'm gonna be honest...which I usually am.
The only thing that confused me was the use of 'awkward' & "shining moment"--they seem to contradict each other, or I guess you found the shining moment in comfortable-yet-uncomfortable awkwardness...
Or something lovey-dovey anyways.
Love the verb use of 'waddled', which makes it a fun (but not fluffy) poem to read & imagine...
Man...that picture...I would've come up with nothing.
Kudos to you for writing something that doesn't suck--not that I expected you to.
Good luck...you will definitely place if I know anything about poetry
Jessica
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this is beautiful... I love it so much *big sigh* aww
I love your interpretation of the prompt.
Fantastic poem..
good luck in the contest
kat
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Great interpretation of the expressions on the woman and the penguin to explore the romance within memories of a seasonal affair.
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love your poem
has the lightness of falling snow and playfulness of penguins
wow!
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Aww that's just precious!! Love the way you put the aspects of the penguin throughout the write!!
Good luck!
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Oh! thats just so cute!! you did such a wonderful job with this picture!! I loved the whole thing!! best of luck hun!! *hugs*
Angel
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