my mother is allergic to many things;
pollen, dust, rats,
sometimes the sad-eyed I bring home,
whatever the cat dragged in.
every sunday morning, she sweeps
these sinful, unclean things out the front door,
hangs a pear-shaped jesus against my chest
and tells me she's dying, why haven't I
got religion yet?
on tuesdays, she refrigerates
what's left of romance,
every now and then peeling
the congealing fat from beneath its skin,
broils it when she's angry.
from the fireplace, I watch her
cough up pieces of the week,
a silver arthritic
wedding ring to bind her wrists
to stop her from writing poetry
about a man who couldn't un-
love any softer.
and my eleven-year-old brother leaves
his suicide note beside the kitchen sink:
i am drowning
five feet
from shore
Author notes
thank you, todd strasser, for the title.
...i'm sorry, aanika and color me silent. i couldn't possibly know what my best/worst poem is.
In a list
A contest entry
- emotion illness rounds - AUDITIONS by stasis.
700 points, ended February 7, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique:
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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Incredible. Perfect.
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Absolutely perfect.
Just so painfuly lovely, it's hard to even express..
*bookmarks*
congratulations on your gold, it was well deserved.
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i thought you were stellar during the teen idol 8 days...but you have gotten MUCH better since.
This poem is sensational.
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yesyesyes.
you know I love the way you write.
this was actually one of the first poems I ever read by you,
and I still love it just as much as the first time I read it.
the last three lines have been in my head since then
thank you for entering
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yes.
First off, I love Todd Strasser, and the book.
Anyway, I absolutely love this, so there's no need to apologize. I adore this... I have no criticism for it at all, except maybe that you're too good.
Please wait for the other judge to comment.
♣ Tegan -
Excellent rawness here. At times, this what life is really like. Well done, keep writing.
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No, poetry CAN be raw and engaging like this (referring to the rally below) amongst other things. Poetry is what the poet says it is.
This is fine poetry. It is uncomfortable in places, but then some poetry comforts the afflicted, other poetry afflicts the comfortable, so it's all good. The metaphors in the third stanza are like a punch to the throat; the final "suicide note" delivers one straight to the solar plexus.
In a world where anyone young seems to slap Xs fore and aft of their screen name, and type with a razor in one hand to slash at the forearm above the typing hand, it is refreshing to find that there are people who can deliver killing-blow poetry.
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Man.....
this is tha shit
that poetry shoud be
raw and engaging
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I told you!
!
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to be reckoned
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You can't talk like a normal person, can you?
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ok, i think we might be on the edge of
spamming this thread!!!! -
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q.e.d.
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good one...
far from normal -
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I think we should stop having a conversation on this poor girl's poem (which is the most brilliant thing I have read since...brilliance existed).
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I think the title by itself just screamed "READ ME."
So i had to read it, i couldn't pass it by
You know i have just been through a couple of your poems but from what i see you should be considered for professional level of writing.
This is awesome
If you ever put out a book let me know, i would be the very first one to buy it.
Go write a book NOW
No just joking you dont really have to but you should
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I think I am in pain with how good this is.
I have read this at least 4 times by now.
Maybe I'm trying to pick up some of your too-big-to-express genius when it comes to be effortlessly poetic...No, I think it's because you are just so talented that I actually am in pain, LoL.
That first stanza--a perfect lead-in for what you talk about. I know I sound like a pretentious fruitbag for trying to give SUCH a good poem an in-detail comment, but this is how I do things.
"pear-shaped jesus" Just loved this so much I am trying to find ways to say this in real life. I love that nothing is capitalized here, particularly 'sunday' and 'jesus'. I think I just love your poetry style in general...
"why haven't I/got religion yet?"
So incredibly powerful...a question unanswered from somebody else.
S3-just loved the way you used 'refrigerates' and "what's left of romance"--just hit me hard, especially with your word choices.
"a silver arthritic
wedding ring to bind her wrists"
The best use of 'arthritic' I've ever seen.
My god, this is incredibly genius...bound in a loveless relationship is what I"m thinking...
"un-love" That was clever, and so powerful...like the entire thing.
And the ending...
oh you know how to write personal emotions
and make them personal for everyone else.
Incredibly good.
Genius.
Just...yeah.
Jessica
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omg this is powerful. are you sure you're only 15?? i'm going to add you as a favorite, if that's ok.
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just stopped by to re-read this.
i joke as often as situation allows.... but the fact that i really want for this to be published and printed with it's brother's and sisters, is NO joke. it would be dog-eared and dirtied around the outer edges from thumbs and fingers.....
far and away, this is the best piece of writting i have read recently. on any and every level. what you working on now? -
this is most definitely the most beautiful thing i have ever read, and that includes every poem i've read, not just yours.
i'm speechless.
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you lie
you haven't read your own stuff >.< -
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ahh, flatterer.
that's a level of hell, you know.
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what a fine writer you are. This poem truly shouts "READ ME!" from the very first line. I only received three entries in the contest by the time it closed so I am giving you one hundred points for your efforts. Love, Lane
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They way you write is just wonderful, I'm positively green with envy. ^_^
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i really loved this. i tried to pick out certain lines that were the best or stood out, but honestly, there were too many great parts for me to pick any specifics. this may be my favorite thing i've read of yours. i love it.
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soooooo beautiful. every image was perfect even though as a whole they seem a bit disconnected. i want to eat this too. lol. it's amazing.
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begging to differ
about the as a whole thing. i didn't see it as disconnected. it reminds me a bit of Hempel. not in the sense that it's minimal, but rather an abstract way of telling a story. by using actions and reactions to describe an environment. -
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i totally get what you mean about the hempel reference..new perspective. thanks
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i love the way you write. that's all.
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fuck.
this is.....
absolute.
beyond the norms of what is/can be considered on a professional level.
words fail.
if this were written on paper, i would eat it.
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