Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

I should have known

He fills my mind with gasoline,
I guess I should have known.

His gentle embrace,
Around her thin figured waist.
Yeah, I guess I should have expected it.

He kills my hopes once again,
I know but refuse to accept.

His tongue has found its calling,
Atop her warm and graceful lips.
Yeah, I guess I saw that coming.

His smile is for her admiration,
And his mistakes for her forgiveness.

His heart has found its completion,
Her laugh has found its creator.
Yeah, you think I would have noticed.

Words of his happiness typed for me to see,
Jokes of how cute she is,

And how I will never be.

Yeah, I guess I should have known...
He could never love someone like me.

Author notes

Writer's block....this did not turn out the way I wanted, I wanted much more raw emotion. Oh well. Anyway, constuctive criticism welcomed.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Still Standing gold member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply

    Turned out....

    Excellent!!!!!! I guess by now you may have revised this into the great work I see above!!!

    Words of his happiness typed for me to see,
    Jokes of how cute she is,

    And how I will never be.

    Yeah, I guess I should have known...
    He could never love someone like me.

    You have punctuated my own personal expereince and for that i am grateful..thanks for your entry and good luck!


  • eyespy
    September 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh how love is cruel to mortal beings... If ever there was anything painful to humanity, it is LOVE. The most terrible nightmate imaginable is to fall in love with another person who loves someone else. Or to have your lover turn away from you, and into the arms of HER. How painful that is. I felt your pain, and applaud your effort to share your emotion with all of us. This is an exceptionally stark poem, in all its bold awareness of the "other woman" he holds in his arms. Take care, and I wish you all the best.


  • Poetic Obscenity
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Awwwe

    Oh hunni. It's absolutley amazing and beautiful however i find it to be so very sad and disheartening. -tear-
    It's truly relate-able however and you've always got that skilled way about you.
    Your talent always seems to shine through.


    • Clinging-to-Life
      September 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for your words of encouragement! love you for such kindness.