I do not expect you to recognize me-
As the bruises are long gone,
And my voice, very much alive
Like a young cloud
That wants to travel everywhere
I stand before your grave,
Feeling the heart, I once presumed dead
Pounding fast in my chest
Like a wave, escaping its own sea
All the way here, I pictured me
Rejoicing the feeling of your presence
Under the ground, where coffins subsist
Now with your absence I rejoice
Knowing I escaped being you
After all those years of cruelty and abuse
I came here searching for a miracle,
A gift of forgiveness and absolution
For a man who knew how to kill dreams
And a woman who watched him do it
My only excuse is that where I come from,
Women have a tendency
Of growing into ice
However, I now know better-
I prefer growing into a rainbow.
Author notes
This is a very personal moment for me, writing this poem was extremely difficult. i'm moving on and putting this dark cloud behind me
A contest entry
- Sell me a Second... !!UBER CONTEST!! UBER CONTEST!! by Ditt0.
800 points, ended September 22, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Band-aids Fall off a Patched up Heart by ThatONEweirdChick.
900 points, ended September 8, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you feel it?
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Very good - i do sense a slight desire in you to hide some of your personal feelings and thoughts - and you use your writing as part of that, a defence mechanism - what is good though is that you have excelent writing skills, and as you grow so will your writing, considering your writing like this now, well, it bodes well for the future.
The last verse was really good, thoughtful - very creative.
James
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Flippen excellent. I dont need to say anymore. The work poured out of you and it was amazing. Flippen hell. This pw might even win. I hate good writers like you. URgh.
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i'm so glad you liked my poem. thank you for this interesting contest, i enjoyed it very much.
good luck with everything poet.
Best Regards
Evanna
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well done, this is a very powerful write! so much forgiveness and healing in these words. i admire your strength. sorry i did not comment any sooner, i've not been around the site for a while.
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this is a great write, there is so much emotion woven into these words, it flows beautifuly and holds the reader captive, a truly great write.
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Yes, I can feel the pain and suffering in this poem. It is very well written. Good job
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It seems very personal, and I know what it's like to pour gut renching thoughts on to the page. It leaves you feeling vulnerable, yet relieved.
Thanks for entering. -
wow this is amazing
great job -
Beautiful!
This is such a sad emotional, "letting go" type of poem! It's filled with emotion and seemingly contains secrets not before revealed! I like the construction and flow. the title and subject are great! But, I don't follow all the meaning on first read! It's just a bit deep for my simple mind to follow all your nuanced meanings! That's just fine, however, because many of our best poets require several readings, too. Or even in much of contemporary poetry -- you're not supposed to "get it" at all! Great job!
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i can only try to imagine how hard this was for you to write, and even at that, i suspect i would still not know all that you went through for how could i without living it myself ....
Bravo and fair play for getting it down on paper; i went through getting down something like this some week or two again, and i was in absolute bits whilst writing it, and still i cannot go back to read it ...
bad times, my friend, equal bad memories, but once we have released them, i find it easier to cram them up and lock them away again to be not thought about rather than attempt to overcome them. you are stronger than me
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is a brilliant piece of poetry. I love the way in which you told your story, clearly showing the story in our mind whilst weaving your pain into our hearts.
Interesting choices of words, my only suggestion is to change "subsist" to "subside"
Welcome to Allpoetry and I hope that you enjoy your stay
Should you have any questions, please feel free to ask me
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i really love it, and it made me wanna cry but seriously it was a very good write.
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I love it, for this poem i can relate to very much, except my mom was the one that torturched me and many years only to end in in sadness great job i love how much emotion this poem displays fav verse is the verse one because i can relate to this one very much love this poem
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i love it. Very pleased i took the time to read it.
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Very good write evanna
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Wow. I can feel the emotion you put into this very much so, and I can understand that is was a difficult write. I do rather like that after all you've gone thru you see that it's better to make your life happy in the end and nor thru torment. Very nice poem. Thanks for the entry.
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"After all those years of cruelty and abuse
I came here searching for a miracle,
A gift of forgiveness and absolution
For a man who knew how to kill dreams
And a woman who watched him do it" i love this
"Women have a tendency
Of growing into ice
However, I now know better-
I prefer growing into a rainbow" and this
GREAT GREAT job
i so don't have a chance in Ditt0's contest lmao
good luck
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This is beautiful. It's filled with many poetic devices. Thanks so much for having the strength to share this with us
Keep writing!
Lauren
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heartbreaking truth
This beautifully written, i know the pain,but by a family member, this person isnt dead, i still have to face him, and i struggle between forgiveness and the word that i am searching for i havent found yet,.
but it is not uplifting,
no words can be spoken, your poem moved me, it hit every facet in my heart,
Rend
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This is cool! Yeah, I did feel it! I love the use of similes, and I thought they connected the reader with your words well, since they didn't feel like the wimpy kind we're forced to learn how to write as sixth-graders. Lol. This was my favorite phrase, I think:
"I prefer growing into a rainbow."
although, I must say that this was a great piece that demonstrates your writing abilities! Great job!
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very vivid and genuine
intense emotion
(if it isn't genuine, then you fooled me. That's the power of poetry, no?)
This poem seems to describe a moment that is very close to your heart. I'm surprised you even uploaded it here, but I guess the anonymity of the internetz helps =P
My favorite lines:
"Like a young cloud
That wants to travel everywhere"
"Like a wave, escaping its own sea"
"I prefer growing into a rainbow." <--My "most favorite" xD
I feel like you typed this in Microsoft Word first, and then uploaded this here, since the beginning of every line is capitalized >:-F
A little variety might be refreshing ^.~
You can try typing your poem in notepad first, and then copy and paste into word. That way, you avoid the autocorrect, and can still check your spelling. Isn't that great!?
All in all, "it was beautiful to read".
Good luck in your contests~
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i liked its not the style i normaly write or read
but i like the imagery -
It might have been hard for you to write, but it was beautiful to read. This is a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing it! And great job!!
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I love your wording acroos the whole poem. Very intricate emotional plane and imagery.
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That's very well done an excellent composition.
Though I write in the first person most of my work is fictional. You have a great way of expressing yourself without being syrupy. I'll read some more. Happy trails -
Amazing!
i enjoyed reading this poem and i loved every line of it. great job!
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A Rainbow
I like the idea of the bruises being long gone and the voice being very much alive. And the young cloud travelling everywhere. Superb ending - know better: prefer growing into a rainbow. Me, too!
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Easy to read ... GREAT!
Your touch is unique. Keep it up!
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WoW!!
This is one of the first poems that I have read that reached out and grabbed my heart..This beyond beautiful....
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wow!
this poem makes me think of my mother,
and her childhood.
Very powerful.
Great write!
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Like the expression of feelings but personally would change the following stanza with different punctuation thus:-
I stand before your grave;
Feeling the heart I once presumed dead!
Pounding,
fast..
in my chest,
Like a wave escaping its own sea..
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amazing you got it out
I understand abuse.
Great work. Catharsis I bet.
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Wow. So much emotion. I sympathize, well, I'm trying too. I think that that counts for something! I know that you should do well in Ditt0's contest, he's my AP bro. I hope that you do well in the other contest as well!
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