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Waiting

Missing image

Her thoughts became
tangled in his lies,

and his absence sipped
its way through

another bottle of wine

 

as she waited.


She watched their
clock rotate its fingers
while hers stayed only where
she could keep an eye on
them. On the table,

or clutching her comfort.

Her nerves jolted
as the door clicked,
and her wine bled onto the floor.

Author notes

Image taken from art.co.uk.

I found the above image on the day I wrote this poem. When I found it I just had to see what I could write about it.

In a list

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Broken-Bones
    September 13, 2008

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    This was a wonderful take on the picture; I loved the way you took the simple image and gave it a story and feelings. I loved your opening stanza and the way you made it seem like his absence was the thing in control, that personification was really effective. I thought the ending created a really strong picture in my mind and that was the perfect way to finish, it really created a sad feeling of loneliness and desperation. Really Great Work x

  • SomeGirlYouKnew
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is very very well written.
    and the picture is perfect.
    i read it twice...


  • Walking Oxymoron gold member
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow....
    I really like that...
    The idea of not quite knowing what's going to happen next!
    I kinda want you to write a sequel,
    (Kinda afraid that would ruin it tho')

    Wow, tho...


  • stylization
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this is beautiful. It's slightly detached, and the it's not at all in-your-face. It's a style I like to think I'm experimenting with lately, and it's nice to read something like it; a lot of them here are a bit in-your-face. Which isn't always bad. I partly like this just because of the Times New Roman font; I extremely dislike Arial lol.


  • liza
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Different

    I like it but it is something a body has to think about for awhile not imediatly absorb and comprehend.

    • silverscent gold member
      September 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sure, I'm not into spoon feeding readers, if you know what I mean.

  • PatheticKt
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Woops, my applauds ~


  • PatheticKt
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, love the subtle metaphors used here in this short write
    Got no favorite lines here since you've penned this poem in justice so yeah, not much to say
    All in all, you definitely got a lovely write here
1 - 8 of 8