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here my voice stumbles

 

 

 


here my voice stumbles.
through the pale arms of trees
the wind pours itself.  against the window

a moon skirls its silver solitude.
the grass is wet with dreams.

night unfurls in dark carnations.
a white moth falls from the Southern Cross.
sometimes a wing. far far water stars.
oh, the hoarse cry of a lighthouse.
alone.

the dark is never silent; even my eyes are noisy.
somewhere a black sea echoes and re-echoes.
the bay is big.

here my voice stumbles.

here my voice stumbles and the horizon hides you in vain.
i love you still among these cold things.
sometimes my words leave me like birds of passage
winging towards endless summers.
i see them flying off in flocks of ink.

the piers sadden when dusk moors here.
my tongue grows quiet, moist to no purpose.
my longing wrestles with the starry distances,
but time and sand stifles my mouth.

the moon cries at every window.
the grass is full of night and water,
and as I love you, my voice stumbles
over a single branch and a paled dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Author notes

http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/39381-Pablo-Neruda-Here-I-Love-You

An emulation of Pablo Neruda’s “Here I love you”.
8 gold, 2 silver, 1 bronze

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 77 of 77

  • Swan song gold member
    October 29, 2008
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    Nic your writing is sooo awesome!

  • a n e s t h e s ia
    October 13, 2008

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    Such a delicate stumble lol.. I prefer this to Neruda's..
    I rarely comment, but I adore your imagery. All so tender and refined.. just love it all. I'll say no more.. Damn these goofy comments of mine.
    Anyway- beautiful.


    • Nicolette gold member
      October 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oh wow!! - thank you (and your comments are beautiful too)!
  • Topnotchsy
    October 10, 2008

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    I've read a few poems of yours, and there's and each one is packed with imagery and beautifully turned phrases and ideas. Another great write!! Congrats on the trophies for this piece.

  • Aisades
    October 4, 2008
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    You are a fantastic poet.


  • leander Moderators member
    October 2, 2008

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    sigh

    How much I've been reading this poem in your book...


  • acari27 gold member
    October 1, 2008
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    i would have picked this for gold


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 27, 2008

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    OMG so beautiful... I love Pablo Neruda, you have really done him justice. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper

  • Grunts Girl
    September 16, 2008

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    the second section was my favorite... all the places you took me within my own memories there...
    there are so many incredible combinations of words and lines... i am left just sipping my red wine nodding my head!


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    September 15, 2008

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    I love Neruda, as you know. I loved his version of this. I love yours more. Beautifully penned my dear friend.


    • Nicolette gold member
      September 16, 2008
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      thank you, Robin - great to see you again, my vriendin

  • poetryality silver member
    September 15, 2008

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    If this poem ensamples "stumbling", I have just tripped, and fell flat on my face. Your words roll off the tongue with such sincerity and ease. What a joyous read, even with traces of melancholy, and tid-bits of a moodish brood. As always, brilliant work dear sister.

    This passage alone is a poem within itself;

    "the piers sadden when dusk moors here.
    my tongue grows quiet, moist to no purpose.
    my longing wrestles with the starry distances,
    but time and sand stifles my mouth."

    I wish you the best in the challenge.



    Much Love Always ♥

    Renee



  • Virgoan
    September 15, 2008

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    There is a degree of solace here that stays in my body upon reading this...one of my favorites from your work.

    You are really heaven sent my friend in this world

    Thanks for sharing.


  • Manoj Sanyal
    September 13, 2008

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    This is a very good poem.
    Lots said in few lines.
    voice stumbles and a paled dream ... excellent.
    Best wishes and good luck,

  • Carnivorous-Orchid silver member
    September 10, 2008

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    Stunning!

    Beautifully wrought.

    I adore it all, especially this piece reaches into me:

    "the piers sadden when dusk moors here.
    my tongue grows quiet, moist to no purpose.
    my longing wrestles with the starry distances,
    but time and sand stifles my mouth."

    Thankyou. You have such lyrical imagery.

    I am new, I was just passing through.

    PEACE

  • Cat gold member
    September 9, 2008

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    i keep thinking i will come back to this poem and leave something stunning behind to equal the poem-

    i won't- nothing could come close


    m


  • And Hyetal
    September 8, 2008

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    Beautiful repetition of 'here my voice stumbles'. You are a true poet... Beautiful imagery and a voice like a song with a thousand bells.



    ~Cassie


  • Zayra Yves
    September 7, 2008
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    You are always so beautiful...even when the voice stumbles.


  • trekkergirl silver member
    September 6, 2008
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    wonderful imagery here. Well written. Good job.


  • poeticweaver silver member
    September 6, 2008

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    Excellent Imagery

    A very well inscribed piece as always!
    Nice reading you, and I hope all is well.

    Much love and light, Timothy

  • sarajaneUK
    September 6, 2008
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    i absolutely loved this, such beauty in cold isolation. Excellent.


  • Nai Eltonfay
    September 6, 2008

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    An intriguing write,I feel the loneliness in the coldness and the rushing waves against shores of
    distance and separation


  • deimos
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Kalima
    September 6, 2008

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    This was a real amazing write and very beautiful. I enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of them...~Stacey~

  • MariGoes gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    If your voice sounds like that when stumbling...
    It's a beautiful sound the noise of words


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    I'm beginning to believe
    stumbling is the only way
    to really
    speak.


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 5, 2008

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    back to read this again

    The images click by like a stereo view. The whole piece rolls and flows. And it sounds so good read aloud.

    This is a fine piece, Nicolette.

    bookmarks

  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    September 4, 2008

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    holy cow! i can't stop reading this! WOW...the imagery is amazing and your words are beyond beauty. LOVE LOVE this poem. thanx so much for sharing...you are truely my inspiration.


  • Saffron gold member
    September 4, 2008

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    Nicolette, this is absolutely beautiful and poignant, and I know this all too much right now. Diamonds drip from your pen, do you know that?

    Saffron

  • juno0404
    September 4, 2008

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    This poem is the reason you are at the top of my favorites list. First time I read it I was so moved by the imagery. I don't believe you could ever be at a lost for words.


    here my voice stumbles and the horizon hides you in vain.
    "i love you still among these cold things.
    sometimes my words leave me like birds of passage
    winging towards endless summers.
    i see them flying off in flocks of ink."


  • Mad Moon silver member
    September 4, 2008

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    The metaphors; the language; the emotion...Again, I am left without words to express how this makes me feel. So much longing between the lines. I am in constant amazement at your talent, dear one. I throw a dozen roses at your feet, and bow in awe. Just gorgeous.


  • Malabu
    September 4, 2008

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    right now
    i am the sand beneath your feet
    the sea to capture your tears
    and the moon is full
    and it's grey
    you cry to the wind
    and it takes me to you

    mal


  • NurseChilly gold member
    September 4, 2008

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    god lady, you know how to break my heart with beauty and intensity of words... this is gold for sure. as it takes one's breath away

    i hear you my friend... and wish you peace and love


  • Crystaltears
    September 4, 2008

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    breathtaking...

    the moon cries at every window.
    the grass is full of night and water,
    and as I love you, my voice stumbles
    over a single branch and a paled dream.
    the moon cries at every window.
    the grass is full of night and water,
    and as I love you, my voice stumbles
    over a single branch and a paled dream.




    im swept away by ur words. lifting me ever so slowly.. and i feel the ache that keeps repeating itself like a unfinished song... cuz i could nver let go.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    Haunting, poignant poetry which is testament to your innate ability to make sorrow seem somehow beatific. The hoarse cry of the lighthouse bears silent witness to the loss of words as only throaty sounds are caught between the heartspace and healing time. When you are lost for words my dearest Poetess do not search for them, the one's you've already found leave a firm foundation via each softly taken step. You are truly able to write with the nuance of Neruda whilst retaining the timbre of your own voice. I adore each syllable that you sigh and will listen intently for you to find your voice again.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    September 3, 2008

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    You are absolutely stunning. There were so many parts that were beautiful and original in this piece. You continue to leave me in awe of everything you write.


  • marc creamore
    September 3, 2008
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    Nicolette . . . After reading the comments below I am beginning to understand why this piece made my heart ache . . . I felt, almost unknowingly, the sorrow that lies behind or between your words . . . Be strong sister and feel my arms as they reach across the vast sky and embrace you in silence . . .

    Marc

  • marc creamore
    September 3, 2008

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    Oh my God woman . . . Your voice never stumbles because it has been touched by some kind of divine presence . . . This piece is so damned beautiful that it makes my heart ache . . .

    love ya sis,
    Marc


  • Night Hope gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    "The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears."

    ~ John Vance Cheney
  • grm
    September 3, 2008
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  • arafura gold member
    September 3, 2008
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    Such wistful yearnings! Your voice is strong dear poet. Strong and clear.


  • Elora Danon gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    Your voice never stumbles my dear. It goes through phases of volume, but it's strength never falters.

    Take care of yourself. You know I love you

    Becky-


  • logorrhoea
    September 3, 2008

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    "night unfurls in dark carnations."

    "sometimes my words leave me like birds of passage
    winging towards endless summers.
    i see them flying off in flocks of ink."

    I wish I could comment, but as for most of your poetry, I don't have the words. Such a gracefull stumble.


  • Swan song gold member
    September 3, 2008
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    i AGREE BEAUTIFUL WORDS BY A BEAUTIFUL POET YOU!


  • endymion
    September 3, 2008

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    This is beautiful; I was going to ask if this had been inspired by that Neruda poem (one of my favourites of his). Some of his lines remain intact, yes?

    "the dark is never silent; even my eyes are noisy.
    somewhere a black sea echoes and re-echoes."
    This part especially is just lovely.

    ~hiraeth


    • Nicolette gold member
      September 3, 2008
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      yes, i've "borrowed" two of Neruda's lines . thank you

  • Night Hope gold member
    September 3, 2008
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  • tara wilson gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    beautiful, beautiful poetry, every line....


    "sometimes my words leave me like birds of passage
    winging towards endless summers.
    i see them flying off in flocks of ink."

    sooo excellent, and you will find your voice again
    I remember reading this before..I am happy you reposted it.


  • Rowan gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    If this is you stumbling, you must be beautiful when you fall.


  • iverbthenoun
    September 3, 2008
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    this feels good... soothing somehow... in a beautiful way


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    ... I believe it has 'stumbled' most beautifully.

    My own response:

    Everything is longing
    longing for completeness,

    for the Oneness
    of its own
    longing-ness

    and meaning threaded
    through all things.

    Sol


  • Peteskid gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    and sometimes the most artistic and elegant touch...is the stumble, the thing we cannot plan to say...says so much...beautiful poetry ...PK


  • Jersene gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    It's hard to believe your voice ever stumbles...but I certainly understand the feeling

    This poem is stunningly beautiful...haunting, sad...I love the image of "the hoarse cry of a lighthouse". I'm sure one day, your books will be sitting right beside Neruda, equally as popular. And when your voice comes back, there will be all kinds of us waiting to enjoy it

  • Yellowdogpoetry gold member
    September 3, 2008

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    I've read this several times. Each time I do, I find myself deeply planted within this piece. I have felt the helplessness depicted in the rich imagery. There seems to be a narrative around us, that with a delicae poetic gift, can bring a profound interpretation.


    • Nicolette gold member
      September 3, 2008
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      Yes, you said it so well, Geo. I think it is that lost feeling before we venture onto new roads and better days. Thank you so much

  • Suzanne Dia silver member
    September 3, 2008

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    You know..
    In reiki and in yoga I have learned a lot about chakras -- I find that when my voice fails me singing helps. Sounds strange, but it opens the throat chakra...

    and that is neither here nor there because I know this isn't so simple, but maybe.. just maybe it can help a little.

    This is beautiful, Nic

    you just keep being you.


    • Nicolette gold member
      September 3, 2008
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      I was just reading about chakras yesterday...about colour and music... must have been telepathy. Thank you, Suzi....i'll try the singing - lately my throat has known only crying...

      • Suzanne Dia silver member
        September 3, 2008
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        I had a solid cry last week
        I mean ..sobbing ranting crying, you know?

        Even that helped.

        But singing especially helps me. It really does.

        And if you ever want to know anything else regarding chakras, etc, I will share what I do know and help you learn what I don't.


        • Nicolette gold member
          September 3, 2008
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          Oh I know that solid sobbing, lol - too well. But I know I'm on my way to better days...and singing. I'll get back to you about the chakras... thank you, you're a dear

  • no longer a member
    September 3, 2008

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    the grass is wet with dreams. I like that. A vision on waking. Beautiful words to Neruda. ~Bramble


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 3, 2008
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    "the wind pours itself against the window"
    I know how that kind of wind feels.
    Congrats on picking the perfect verb.

    • Nicolette gold member
      September 3, 2008
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      Thanks, Tom. We've had gale-force winds here this weekend

  • apples fell
    September 3, 2008

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    This is very full for you...If that makes sense.
    I fell head over heels for that first stanza, as I felt like it was gradual and needed to have its place, if only for a few fleeting moments. The end is so full of life and all the things some people hope to experience...That dream, that handful of moments that no one can say they have lived, without first living them. "here my voice stumbles.
    here my voice stumbles and the horizon
    hides you in vain.
    i love you still among these cold things."
    - This was the only area I tripped over...I felt like that "cold things" line just didn't fit for me and though I liked "hides you in vain", I'm not sure if it completely worked for me either. The repetition, though slight, might actually be the cause of why I feel this way, I'm unsure at the moment...But I figured I would bring it up and perhaps you will consider what I am saying, in some sense. The second stanza is lovely and "the hoarse cry of a lighthouse" image, well, that is just really marvelous.

    I think it is reflective poetry,
    critiques aside.

    ;


    • Nicolette gold member
      September 3, 2008

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      Thanks, James. I am considering what you've said and I think it might be the repetition of "here my voice stumbles".. I've always wondered about that. And to be honest, I stole the line "i love you still among these cold things" from Neruda, lol. This is a very personal and yes, as you've said, reflective piece. Thank you for always delving into a poem and for your great comments

      • apples fell
        September 3, 2008
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        LOL. Then shame on him for that line... I'm only joking!
        If you do think of something for the "stumble" repeat...Send me back this way, as you know I am always up to seeing how a poem changes or perhaps improves. Personal poetry sometimes should be left alone and maybe, just maybe, this should be the case...You be the judge of that hun. I'm just the person along for the ride.
        You're welcome. I love your stuff so leaving meaningful comments is quite easy for me.

        ;

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    September 3, 2008
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