Since the time of the great glaciers, we have occupied this land;
Once warmed by amber fires, unaware of coming darkness.
Against the bearded hell-bound usurpers we made our stand;
The shattered tribe was scattered by their steely forceful starkness.
Thus they were the great catalyst of our diasporic flight
Weeping, we fled headlong in grave fear of the voracious hoards.
The homeless, broken tribes were plunged into everlasting night.
Remnants now huddle, starving, on these bleak and barren fjords.
The joker’s impression of this fickle safety is fleeting;
Off In the distance we hear the giant war drums beating.
Author notes
Word Bank and Title Prompt. I chose options 2 and 3.
I guess I had the image of the Indians meeting Vikings in Newfoundland when I wrote this.
In a list
A contest entry
- Quotes, Titles, Word Bank!!!!!!ENTER by fairytalelovestory.
300 points, ended September 8, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for rhyming poems... PW of Sept'08 allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended September 15, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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well penned with good rhyming.
Best wishes and good luck,
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting.
Mike
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Superb
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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Thank you. I am glad that you enjoyed this. It is one of the quiet poems that I have written that I am kind of pleased with.
I greatly appreciate your comments.
Mike -
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You are quite welcome, my friend.
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wow what a vivid image this gives you. good luck
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It is much appreciated.
Mike
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Fantabulous!!!
okay, such a good insight for the tribesmen....
and to see create such a piece from history is one thing i rarely found here in AP.
thanks for writing such a good piece!!!
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I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I am a fan of history. I read it all of the time. I have done several historical poems a couple are about native american.
I have a saracstic one that is in process about Custer at the Little Bighorn.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Mike
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"The scattered bands were shattered by their steely forceful starkness."
This line sounds very nice but I wonder if it is best to say the "scattered bands" were shattered, when "we" probably weren't a scattered band when we made the stand. What I mean is that the steely darkness didn't shatter the scattered band, it made a group into a scattered band. I don't know; that seems like a trivial detail but I think you might want to think it over. Other than that the poem is great!
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Your comment was well taken I looked at the line and revised it. If you would care to look again, I think it will make more sense. I always appreciate constructive criticism.
Mike
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ooh i liike this one, it has amazing rhythm and you really make me feel good write!
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Thank you fro reading and commenting. I appreciate your kind words.
Mike
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Poet
I can see by this write you are into history. A very interestingpiece indeed. I wonder have you ever read of the Anunnaki?
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I am much into history, but I have not read much about about the ancient Middle East other archaeology and from the Bible. It is an area I am deficient on.
Perhaps I will look into it.
Mike
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I loved this read Chucks! Now..where is chapter 2? hehe You are indeed a master story-teller. Keep it up!
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LOL Chapter 2? Put up a contest..... haha.
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diasporic is a great word! the imagery is gutteral, i like it
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Thank you very much. I am not sure about diasporic, I may have made it up. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Mike
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You must have some Irish in you.
You would have to..
to weave this tale like a craftsman.
This never fizzled.
The center was strong.
The title draws you right into the story.
Excellent!
Vocabulary was the steering part of this piece.
You crafted the words to hold interest.
"Businessmen they drink my wine,
come and dig my earth"
What have we become,
never thinking of our children.
The war mongers are hell bent on turning our world into a mushroom cloud.
What so funny bout peace love and understanding?
Great great job!
KEEP ON PUSHIN,
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
LOWELL
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Thank you for your long and detailed comment. I was worried that the lines were too long for most people's taste. The more that worked on the poem, the more that I crafted it into the type of an oratory that I could imagine a Native American speaking.
My gene pool is mix of DNA from the British Isles, Native Americans, and French Canadians. All are well-known story tellers.
Mike
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Very good write here
Through time what a generation or several generations bestow on others so shall they receive the same in time when will humanity learn I wonder if ever
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it as always. The lines in this one were longer than usually making it read almost like a story instead of a poem.
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