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I Love You Too: Destroyed

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pleasantry no longer a promise

as thoughts roam her baffled mind

while reminiscing lost days of romance.

 

Blankly starring into the darkness

she sighs a heavy sigh of sadness

blinking seldomly in solace.

 

A players playground is filthy

as she slowly rubs the dirt from her face

she remembers his final touch.

 

Alone in her dark dreadful world

with nobody to call her own

and left with only her shadows on the floor.

 

Grieving over lost loves and bitter goodbyes

she sways on her swing so sweetly and slow

blaming her scars for her revenge.

 

How could daddy be so cruel

and force her fragile body to the ground

while he used his fists to relieve himself?

 

She didn't do anything wrong

but love her daddy so much

as she lay there motionless again.

 

This is my "I LOVE YOU TOO"

Author notes

Picture Credit: Secret angel by *salgada

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Ice Queen
    May 1

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    WOW!!!

    I really like this piece. It's so powerfully deep and sad. This piece brings memories to me that have been gone in the past, from TV shows or a friends life. Good Job, and amazing write.

  • wow. i really, really like this. very sad and quite emotional. i can relate to this piece to an extent. the emotional abuse i took from my father...physical abuse i took from my past loves. this piece brought back a lot of memories. very well written!!! keep it up =)

    <3 - Jess


  • carebear123
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    aww i love this! it so sad but so full of meaning and hurt. i never heard it that way before. but the ppl that go through that, thats how they really are. you did an amazing job!


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    Tears

    Oh gosh, abuse makes me so upset. I wished I could just take all the victims away from the sadness they face. Your piece was filled with great imagery as sorrow filled you words. Nicely done!


  • Lucian Valcor
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow that was an ending I was definitely not expecting this happens so often and most people do not realize as a child mine was the other way around a boy who was abused by his mother but that is another story you did a wonderful job in expression the picture fit the poem and background perfect i loved it a perfect setting for the best poem read this morning lovely work it flowed and read wonderfully again great job

    Lucian"

  • sauceygal
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    the words are beautful eventhough it don't rhyme it works reallly really well


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    re: "Blankly starring into the darkness" -- scratch one 'r' from starring to make it staring.

    In the same stanza, "blinking seldomly" will probably be read more comfortably as "seldomly blinking" just like you have "blankly staring" above it. It's not wrong to put the adverb second, but in common parlance it's customary to put it first.

    in this stanza:

    "Grieving over lost loves and bitter goodbyes
    she sways on her swing so sweetly and slow
    blaming her scars for her revenge."

    I'm guessing that what you're trying to say is:

    "Grieving over lost loves and bitter goodbyes
    she sways on her swing so sweetly and slow
    blaming her [emotional] scars for her [mind's treason.]"

    "...her revenge" makes it sound like she's in control and is sabotaging relationships for fun and profit, whereas "her mind's treason" implies that she WANTS the relationships to work, but some malfunctioning mechanism of her mind isn't responding very well to her outward desires.

    Okie-tay... that's my take





  • WantedxXxMe
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very nice, well thought up, proves what alot of people have to go through everyday that many people don't realize.


  • Tru Knowledge 1
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    aww!

    told so good!


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Humm..this is really a thoughtful work revealing the truths of this life bringing the dimention of itself through this wonderful poetry..well stated sentiment..

1 - 10 of 10