Away - wayward night, tender tempting touch that might
this soul convince, garrisoned walls breach all my strength,
battle worn, season torn, now clutching flags of white…
Away - before the dawn can remember in length
miles stumbled amid isolation’s dark terrain,
these dungeons dug, barred and locked – never to complain.
Sails moored, lit ‘neath the moon’s shimmering enticements,
lingering misty breezes whispers promises,
empty corridors echo my name - enchantments,
each a siren my ears hear but heart dismisses;
each memory, the breath of spring’s bittersweet stain;
why must the sea ebb and flow bleeding love’s refrain?
A contest entry
- Sixains by cricketjeff.
1450 points, ended September 7, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I love it! I should have liked to see the internal rhyme repeated in the second stanza, odes work so much better in my mind where the poetic devices are kept consistent, but that is my personal picking it does not detract from a lovely poem and an excellent use of the form!
Great work, a definite "Not Bad"!
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Strong title!
You begin dismissively and imperatively in the apostrophe or address to night. It is a powerful beginning.
Your wrenched sheets of night have cleverly become night's surrender to the dawn: "Clutching flags of white". The banishment of night which imprisons the beleaguered soul is presented in strong monosyllabic and disyllabic diction.
I feel that malmadre has put it so well - the theme and tone, I mean.
Sincere, manly and passionately rendered lyric written beautifully in the C16 style with modern language in the main. Congratulations on a very fine poem.
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thank you Ron
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WOW
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lol thanks
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Facing life alone is a battle, especially when you are the only soldier. At times the call of love and companionship comes so clear in the whispers and echoes, hard to dismiss. A lot of tender heartfelt meanings flowing through.
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thank you,
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Ahh. This is beautifully written rhyme that pulls so hard at the heart. That never ending question, why?
It makes me feel sad, a bit forlorn, and lonely. So well written. I loved it. ~Pamela
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