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maze






it was a cold
october evening
the garden was dull
and still
a song bird sang
from her cold marbled hand
the statue shone
like incriminating desire
of fallen virtue
in arched eyebrows
of men


her stained eyes
shadowed
a submissive sky
sullen with taunt skin
of cracking flesh
and bones

too old for games
this child was caught
in a mental maze
of an opposite window
and her song
embraced the clouds


as darkness fell
she was that white
hole in the sky
hidden away
in inner earth's
mute cry
my stained eyes
held understanding
once again
as sand
and sea fell
in soothing coiled air
wrapped
in notes of her


black smoke

ascends
as blinds fall
against the sun
and a single star
shines
while her music warbles on
under a cold
  october moon





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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Dalaney gold member
    September 16, 2008

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    i came to the right poem tonight...feeling a bit out of sorts, but this beautiful piece of poetry settled in and made me feel good again. Thanks, Mud Love, Lane


  • poetryality silver member
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and a single star
    shines
    while her music warbles on
    under a cold
    october moon"


    Many Summer nights, I sit on my porch waiting for the shine of that first star. Once it is seen, crystals began to materialize in the heavens. Your poem highlights the sights and sounds of miracles.

    BREATHTAKING!



    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • zarlahgirl
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not a word out of place.... This is truly a beautiful piece. If theres one thing I've done today that I'm happy about, it's finding this write! A benchmark for others to aspire to... I know I will! Thankyou so much for sharing!

  • doodledoll
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Doodledoll

    Very good


  • zochit2me gold member
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So melancholy is the feel to this poem. I found myself in this garden and seeing the song bird. What a moving poem this is. I can see why it is featured.

    The only part that stuck out to me as "odd" was the use of "stained eyes" in 2 different stanzas...perhaps odd is not the word but it did catch my eye.

    Peace

    ♥Becky♥


  • afroqban
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a pleasure to read


  • Rowan gold member
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can see why this was featured. Excellent example of how to use poetic device. Your talent keeps growing, hon. Beautifully penned.


  • smonte19124 gold member
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful!! Good Luck and God Bless


  • rhondasail
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such loss I feel in these words...loss of a child my heart tells me..and two left to mourn with 'stained eyes'...my heart is moved...powerful imagery and mood...October evening is a perfect setting...the middle of the changing seasons and dimming of the light...which makes the 'single star' so much brighter. Peace, Rhonda. Loved this write.

  • sheranda05
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a great poem and I like it. Keep up the good workd

  • oldpoets
    September 11, 2008

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    One could call this a classic because of the style within your writiing. A great picture woven with your words.


  • Rovingone gold member
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    totally love the free association. It's a underlying beat, reminiscent of the beat poet generation.


  • trekkergirl
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow you got some really good imagery going on here.  Great write.

  • Anno
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful word picture you have painted on this page, thank you so much for sharing.


  • Symphony
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yikes; so eloquently written, you wove an equisite story through your words .....

    I am speechless; this was just jaw dropping beauty right before my eyes.

    bravo!


  • compressed-history
    September 11, 2008

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    "like incriminating desire of fallen virtue in arched eyebrows of men". Beautiful, utterly beautiful


  • princessleejwctlvr2
    September 11, 2008

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    Excellent write!! All your stanzas are so well written. Beautiful choice of words!! I especially like your first three stanzas!! Great job!! Love it!!


  • RebelSoldier
    September 5, 2008
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    marvelously done midear. i love it


  • trulymadlydeeply
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This feels so melancholy and yet so deeply painful. This leaves me with visions of one has bore witness to death of a broken heart. The song bird sings in mourning as soul rises to the heavens on its final note. Or like the October sky there is a melancholy feel in its subtle changing hues and air that mark the Earth Mother making ready for her deep slumber into winter. If the latter were so, what a beautiful metaphor this would be. For I've always thought as the earth cools and the mist rises into the air, I've often thought it the soul of the earth rising to the heavens. Well I know that may seem somewhat silly, but still it is a nice thought. Even better; how cool would this be if it were both. The passing of one's spirit coinciding with the passing of the final season. Only for that soul to be reborn in Spring where it finally does find its soulmate. Yeah, yeah I know, I'm a sucker for happy endings! The best happy ending is you winning the gold for this poem. Because it is THAT good! I'm bookmarking this poem, for as I write I feel deep down there is a story in here somewhere. You know, this would make a fantastic song too. Good luck.. may you be blessed with love, light and wisdom
    tmd


  • Nicolette gold member
    September 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was thinking of something Neruda wrote while reading this beautiful and very moving poem... "does a statue feel?" Gorgeous poetry... it seems to come to you so naturally.

    ~ Nicolette


    • MuddyKing
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      the statue was merely a metaphor for the broken soul and spirit..also it works well in a garden
      thank you for the kind words
      peace and hugs
      Muddy


  • notorious gold member
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I wanna be able to write this well.


  • Night Hope gold member
    September 2, 2008

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    Sighhh...I wish someone would wrap himself in my notes again...

     

    Gorgeous, my Friend.



  • poet2angels gold member
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sigh~


    "as sand
    and sea fell
    in soothing coiled air
    wrapped
    in notes of her"


    When my heart is most vulnerable, I should know not to read a piece by you...My emotions are sure to soar....

    Another amazing write, my friend



    flutters away in awe


    Lynda

1 - 24 of 24